


Loved and Lost

by DestinyMariaWinchester



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Hanahaki Disease, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Sad Adam, Shadam angst, Unrequited Love, past breakup, sad shiro
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-09
Updated: 2019-04-25
Packaged: 2019-07-28 14:19:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 25
Words: 26,226
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16243400
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DestinyMariaWinchester/pseuds/DestinyMariaWinchester
Summary: Adam had been horribly depressed and guilty since Shiro went missing. One day, he decides to try to take his own life only to be stopped by Keith. Keith brings him to the ship and takes him to Shiro. Adam is overjoyed to have Shiro back, but Shiro rejects him as he had fallen for Lotor. Adam is heartbroken but Keith refuses to let him out of his sight, too afraid that he would try to kill himself again. All hell breaks lose, however, when the team has to go back into space and Adam ends up stuck on the ship with them, slowly dying of Hanahaki disease.





	1. A broken heart, a shot in the dark

If there was any pain that Adam knew best, it was guilt. It wasn't just a little nagging guilt that tugged at your heartstrings and compelled you to apologize. No, this guilt was utter agony. It was the kind of guilt that tears a person into a million shreds. His words from the day that the Kerberos mission left rang in his mind. I won't be here when you get back. Sure, the first day after their break up was hard, but days turned into months, and months to a year and than... Kerberos mission disappears pilot error... The words that made his breath hitch and his eyes fill with tears behind his glasses. The words that made his breaths shaky and his heart break. The words that told him that Shiro was never coming back. 

'Pilot error... Did this happen because of how much Takashi was hurting?...' 

'Is he dead because of me?...'

Guilt. Such a simple word, yet it's what brings great men to their knees. It is just a part of being human, of being a conscious being, but in the moment, Adam wished that it was anything but. His mind was reeling as he left the room. 

'Why did I let him go? Why did he have to go? Why did I have to break it off with him?WhyWhyWHyWhyWhyWhyWhyWhy-' 

'Why'

Of all the questions that would haunt him through the years, that one single word would sear it's way into his memories. Why was the seed. Soon from that one seed grew a forest of self hatred and most of all, guilt. Guilt turned him reckless, almost insane. Guilt made him unafraid when flying through dangerous terrain. Guilt made him laugh off injuries, an almost bitterness in his voice. Guilt twisted him and changed him. To anyone who saw him, he was still Adam, the skilled pilot, Adam the garrison instructor, Adam the laid back dude that still managed to smile even after the loss of the one that he loved most. Oh how they knew nothing. They didn't see the broken man behind the smiles, they didn't hear the desolation hidden behind the almost too enthusiastic laughs. They didn't see him. They didn't see him, and they didn't know the guilt. Another few years passed. Finally, the forest of guilt blocked out the last bit of light from Adam's life. It was after an oddly peaceful day at the garrison that he staggered back to his apartment (He had stopped thinking of it as theirs a long long time ago). He went to his room and pulled out an old handgun. He sat on the bed and stared at it a moment. Of all the times that he had taken this out, he never thought that it would ultimately be for this reason. It had been Shiro's once upon a time and it almost hurt to hold it.

"Wherever you are, Takashi, I hope we'll meet again... someday, somehow..."Adam said as a mirthless laugh fell from his lips. For a moment, he imagined a feeling- one that he had all but forgotten- the feeling of Shiro's lips on his own. He smiled sadly. The barrel of the gun was cool against his forehead. He was about to pull the trigger when suddenly-

"Adam, wait no!"


	2. Gunshots and roses

Keith rushed into the room and forced the gun out of Adam's hand.

"What the hell, Adam, what were you thinking?" Kieth yelled. Tears dripped down his face as he suddenly pulled Adam into a hug. Adam held the younger boy close, quiet. It was a tender embrace. 

"What are you doing here? It's been years, and you haven't so much as spoken to me since Shiro and I..." Adam sighed shakily, letting the last word hang in the air, unsaid but understood. Keith sighed shakily.

"Look, I'm sorry okay, but the only reason that I ever trusted you was because Shiro did, and after what you did while he was just trying to keep you from having to watch him die, I just- never mind that now. The reason that I'm here now is because I need you to come with me, and please... don't kill yourself, Shiro would never forgive himself if you did..." He said. 

"How would he even know?... He's already dead, at least I'd get the chance to see him again." Adam turned away from Keith. The last thing that he wanted was for the younger man to see him crying. He took a shaky breath. Keith put a hand on his shoulder gently.

"Come with me." Keith took Adam to where the others were waiting with the lions. Adam was silent the whole time. It felt like there was a sword piercing his heart, and he couldn't make the pain stop. As soon as they got to their destination, Adam looked up and his breath caught in his throat. Dark eyes filled with tears again as they darted over the scar-marked body and snowy hair of the black paladin.

"T-Takashi..." Adam gasped. For a moment, his heart soared. He rushed out of the vehicle to go hug his long lost lover. Suddenly, he stopped when he noticed the galara prince at Shiro's side. Shiro actually smiled softly.

"Adam, I didn't think that Keith would actually be able to find you. I need some help getting in contact with the garrison." Shiro said off-offhandedly. Adam's mouth felt dry, he couldn't say anything, so Shiro kept talking. "I would catch up more with you, but I've got limited time here, so could you please-" Before Shiro could finish, Adam was already making a call to one of his superiors. He was silent as he took the paladins to the garrison. As soon as they got there, however, Shiro was off. Adam didn't get to see him again till that night while he was roaming the Garrison headquarters. 

"You look well..." Adam said softly, he kept his gaze averted, not wanting to meet the older man's eyes. Shiro sighed.

"For someone that's been in space for a few years, I guess so." He replied. An uncomfortable silence settled between them till suddenly. "So, so much for not being here when I get back, huh."

"Takashi look, I'm sorry okay?... I just... I just wanted us to spend the last bits of your life happy and together and-" 

"Did you ever think that it would lead to this? Did you ever think that we would end because of that? I didn't want you to have to watch me die; I loved you too much to let you go through that, Adam." 

"I thought you had died! When your crew went missing, I feared the worst had happened, I thought that I had caused you to..." Adam took a huff of air and closed his eyes. The harsh artificial light only served to highlight the tears that now stained his face. "I still loved you, I never stopped. I still loved you, and I thought that because of me, you were dead." Shiro sighed and took him aside, sitting down with him. The shorter man took off his glasses to rub away what tears were left still in his eyes.

"Hey, I'm still here, aren't I?"Shiro asked softly. "We can still be good friends, I want to keep you in my life... Keith told me that you tried to kill yourself today... Why?" Adam whimpered softly.

"Because I still love you..." His voice was quiet. He couldn't stop the single tear glided down his face. Shiro frowned a bit.

"Adam I'm sorry, I-"

"I know, you wouldn't want to be with me after how I treated you the last time we spoke, that's all right, I understand..."

"It's not just that... Adam, I've moved on. I'm in a relation with the galara prince Lotor, in fact the two of us are very happy together. I really am sorry." Adam didn't respond, leaving the two of them stuck in complete silence. A few minuets passed, and suddenly, alarms started to sound. Shiro's eyes widened. "We have to go, now!" Adam was on his feet in moments.

"Go to your team, I need to go make sure the students are safe!" Adam ran off. Along with the other instructors, he quickly started evacuating everyone. Suddenly, a shot shook the building. Adam just managed to roll out of the way, protectively holding a male student as a part of the ceiling caved in. While he was helping the student escape, he got a glimpse of the galara warships that were advancing on them. Rebels. Fear immediately gripped Adam till he saw the lions flying off, all except one. Keith's. Adam rushed back inside in search of the red paladin. Just as he saw Keith, another shot rang out, and suddenly, everything went black. When Adam came to, he was in the castle ship, alone in a room. He sat up holding his head and looked around. On shaky legs, he got up and went looking for Keith. Instead of finding the younger, however, he found Lotor tending to Shiro. Adam sucked in a sharp intake of breath and turned around just as he broke into a fit of coughs. When he took his hand away from his mouth to try and take a breath, he was horrified because in the palm of his hand sat three perfect black rose petals.


	3. At least He'll be satisfied

Adam's eyes were wide as he stared down at the black petals in his hand. He fought back tears. From the other side of the wall, Shiro's voice got louder as he approached. In a panic, Adam rushed back to the room where he had been staying, however he tripped halfway and fell hard to the ground before he could even make it. Shiro rushed over and quickly helped him up.

"Are you all right?" He asked quickly. Adam couldn't answer as he felt the warmth of the older man behind him. Adam's throat was burning as the petals tried to force their way out. Lotor came to their side and helped Shiro hold Adam up. 

"We should get him back to his room, with the hit that he took he shouldn't be out of bed." Lotor said. Slowly, the two of them helped Adam to his room. By the time they got to the small chamber, Adam's mouth was full of petals. As soon as he got into his room, Adam almost collapsed onto the bed. 

"Adam, are you okay; What were you doing up? You had a really bad concussion, you need to rest." Shiro almost scolded. Adam curled up without a single word. Figuring that he was just tired, Shiro sighed and left with Lotor. As soon as the couple was gone, Adam rushed to a nearby trashcan. He gasped, coughed, and gagged as black petals covered in his own spit practically poured out of his mouth. As the sickly sweet taste of roses filled his mouth, Adam retched violently. By the time he was done, he was ghostly pale and his skin was clammy. Adam groaned and sunk to the floor. Guilt was rearing it's ugly head again. He broke down into silent sobs. After a few minuets, Adam shakily got to his feet and found his way to the nearest bathroom. He winced when he saw himself. Adam quickly wiped away a black petal that still clung to his cheek. That night, he joined the others for dinner. He was dead silent. Every now and than, he would glance over at Shiro to find him happy, laughing and taking with the other paladins. Throughout the whole dinner, Shiro's arm was around Lotor's waist as the prince leaned on him. The sight made Adam's heart ache. 

"Adam? Adam did you hear me?" Keith asked as he nudged the older man. Adam looked up quickly. 

"O-oh sorry Kieth, what were you saying?" Adam asked quickly. Keith sighed, sensing that something was very off, but he pushed the feeling aside, not wanting to upset anyone.

"I was asking how Earth was without all of us down there. I mean, I remember you teaching Lance, Hunk, Pidge, and I for a bit. How was the garrison like without all of us?" Keith asked. Adam chuckled softly.

"Quiet honestly, though I wouldn't really say peaceful. Not with James around." Adam said. "It was almost unnerving to say the least." 

"I almost forgot that you were a garrison instructor," Shiro said suddenly "Keith told be that you were Lance's favorite teacher." 

"The only one that could control me!" Lance yelled. Adam's smile became a little more genuine as found memories played through his mind. With those memories, however, also came the memories of guilt and the bittersweet memories of how he and Shiro were. Adam's smile faltered. He felt a tickle at the back of his throat, and the taste of roses stained his tongue. Thinking fast, he groaned weakly, holding his head. Lance's smile faltered. "Oh, s-sorry, I shouldn't have yelled." 

"I-it's fine, it's just my head." Adam said softly "I think I'm gonna try to get some sleep early; hopefully it'll help." He quickly got up and went to his room. Lance frowned and got up, followinf him. He found Adam hunched over the toilet, throwing up black petals. He rushed over.

"Adam!"

"I'm okay... I'm okay... W-what are you doing here?" Adam inquired, panting. Lance quickly helped him to the bed and made sure the door was closed.

"I wanted to make sure you were all right. I didn't think that you had-" Lance started

"Lance, I am fine... please..." Adam's voice was weak, scratchy from all the retching. Lance sighed, frowning.

"No you're not. You're not okay, and you haven't been for a long time." Lance said. "I know what fake smiles look like, Adam, you can't fool me." Adam was quiet, staring down at his hands.

"You always were the only student who could see right through me." Adam sighed. Lance put a hand on his shoulder.

"And you always were the instructor who could help me see the best in me, the only one who kept me sane while I was away from my family." Lance replied. He couldn't help but smile a little bit. "After Shiro and you split, I could tell that you were hurting, but you still took your time to comfort me... please... let me help you now. I can talk to Shiro, maybe you two can work something out, I mean, I don't think that him and Lotor are gonna last, I-" Adam cut him off.

"No, please... leave them be. Let them be happy, Takashi deserves it after all. He's always deserved happiness..." Adam turned to cough up more black petals. 

"Okay than, maybe I can arrange for Corran to stop us on a plannet where you can get the surgery to remove the flowers. Maybe we can go back to earth so that you can get it. You can't just let yourself die like this."

"We'll figure something out about this Lance, but even if I die, I need you to promise me that you won't tell Takashi about this. I don't want him to feel any guilt... I don't want him to be hurt again." Adam picked up one of the black petals gingerly and turned it over in his hand. Lance sighed softly. Adam was smiling sadly as he observed the petal. "Even if I die, at least he can be satisfied with the prince..." Adam's last words were lost in a whisper.


	4. Bonding and advice

Lance sighed, leaning back a bit on the bed. "So you're not gonna try to get Shiro back?" He asked. Adam shook his head.

"Not as long as he's happy with Prince Lotor." He said, "All I want is for him to be happy."

"Damn, he's missing out on someone real good, though." Lance chuckled softly.

"Well, how about you?" Adam asked, "Does ol' lover boy Lance got his eyes on any pretty lady, the princess perhaps?" Lance went bright red. Adam chuckled softly, but stopped when he noticed that Lance was frowning. 

"I used to, but..." Lance took off his jacket and shirt. A thick scar was resting just bellow his ribs. Adam frowned a bit and pulled him into a gentle hug.

"Oh Lance... I'm so sorry..." He said softly. Lance hugged back weakly. He didn't love Allura anymore, but he couldn't help but tear up as he remembered the countless nights of being hunched over the toilet as Morning glories streamed passed his pale lips. Adam frowned a bit, hugging him closer.

"I was so scared that I wasn't gonna be able to feel anything after the surgery..." Lance whimpered. Adam sighed sympathetically.

"But you're okay now, Lance, of course you are. It'd take more than just a little sickness to take down the most stubborn cadet that I know." Adam said softly. Adam grinned when he saw Lance smiling a bit. "You're a good kid, Lance, and whoever is lucky enough to have you fall for them should be fucking grateful that you would take the time to even notice them." Lance chuckled softly.

"Tell that to my rival and see how well that goes down." Lance said. Adam's eyes widened a bit, but he also mentally remind himself to pay Matt the next time he saw him.

"You're into Keith than?" Adam asked. Lance didn't say anything, but Adam could tell just by the pining look in his eyes and the way the younger man turned away to cough what the answer would be. "open your mouth." He said. Lance huffed and did so. Red carnation petals tumbled from behind his lips. Lance whimpered.

"Please don't tell him, no one on the team even knows that I'm bi other than you and Shiro. He can't find out. I'm gonna get the surgery as soon as I can, just please Adam..."

"Woah woah, Lance calm down. I'm not gonna out you to your crush, okay? But I do think that you should tell him." 

"I can't! He'll just reject me and I'll just die and... I can't let the others find out that I'm not straight anyway, they'll..." Adam took his hand softly.

"They'll what, Lance? What do you have to be afraid of with Pidge and Hunk? They haven't treated Takashi any different since he started dating Lotor, have they?"

"Well... no but... Shiro's not me..."

"No he's not, but you are just as much a part of this team as he is. If they accept him, why shouldn't they accept you. I mean... did you ever think any different of me after finding out that I was gay?" Adam asked, raising an eyebrow. Lance shook his head and chuckled.

"Course not... You were... are awesome... besides, I was smart enough to know not to act weird towards the fiance of literally one of the most respected guys in the garrison." Lance replied. Adam laughed a little, but it tapered off as he turned his head to cough up some black petals. 

"Exactly, I- Lance, stop fretting about me, I'm fine. I just wanna help you." Adam scolded. Lance huffed and sat back, his hand falling from Adam's back."Anyway, I don't think they will treat you any different, and I know for a fact that you'll be pleasantly surprised about Keith, just... don't hold back when you tell him. Be yourself and go win yourself a half galara boy's heart." Lance smiled brightly and Adam chuckled. 

"You think I should put on the good ol' McClain charm?~" lance asked, wiggling his eyebrows. Adam laughed.

"Still the same old Lance! Just be yourself." He said. Lance's smile fell a bit.

"No one's seen my real self in a long... long time." Lance turned away, staring out the window as the vastness of space passed them by. His hand came down to lower his sleeve slightly, sighing. Adam frowned.

"You've stopped... right?..."

"V' been trying to... I really have... I know that it worries the others... Shiro caught me one time... I was bleeding pretty bad... He looked terrified... it was one of our first few weeks out here... away from earth... I know that I'm a capable paladin... but... I just can't find it in myself to believe it..." Lance sighed. Adam kept him close, hugging him in an almost motherly sort of way. They didn't say anything for a while, until Adam spoke up.

"Please... try to talk to Keith about your feelings, okay? All of them. If you want a relationship with him, start with trust. Try to trust him, Lance, and once you have that trust, do not let it go... You never know how fragile it is till you lose it..."

"Adam..."

"Just be careful, okay? That's all I ask... Don't make my mistake, Lance... please..."

"I... Okay..."


	5. Black roses and white poppies

Things started to slowly get better around the castle ship. Adam was smiling more often now, especially since one day, he walked in on Lance and Keith making out in the hanger. Shiro was happy, Lance was happy, Keith was happy... that's all that Adam wanted, but he couldn't find it in himself to be truly happy. He was helping Lance train one day when he suddenly doubled over in pain, coughing violently.

"Adam!" Lance cried, rushing to his side. Adam was hunched over. His glasses had fallen off, and his skin was pale and clammy. A disgusting floraly taste was filling his mouth. He had been thinking back to the days when he and Shiro would fly together in the garrison. Everything in the memory was blurry. Everything except for Shiro. Adam gagged as he spat out the normal black petals, but along with them drifted the petals of white poppies. The white petals were stained crimson with blood and slick with saliva. Adam took a shaky breath, wiping his eyes.

"I'm okay... I'm okay, just give me a moment..." He panted weakly. Lance teared up.

"You're not okay! Let me go get Shiro, he could help o-or someone else. Please Adam, you're getting worse. Let me help you." He said. Keith came into the training room and nearly ran over. 

"What's happening, wha-" He started. 

"Nothing." Adam said, cutting him off, "Everything's fine. I just need to catch my breath a bit... Why don't you take Lance to get some water? I... I need to rest..." Keith's frown deepened.

"Maybe you should go take a break. I can help Lance just fine." Keith said. The concern was clear in his voice. Adam forced a playful smirk.

"Thanks a lot Keith, but if you two intend on doing the deed, take it to your room. Don't wanna scar anyone for life now do we?" Adam teased. Keith chuckled, watching as he walked away. Once Adam was gone, he turned to Lance.

"What happened? I know Adam and I know that he wouldn't get winded just from a little sparing match. Is he really okay?" He asked. His boyfriend shook his head slowly. Lance bit his lip a bit and pointed our the petals that still lay on the training room floor.

"He's got hanahaki, but you need to promise not to tell Shiro. Adam was very clear that Shiro doesn't find out." Lance said quickly.

"Lance, I think that Shiro would want to know if his ex fiance was literally dying of hanahaki." Keith replied. Lance sighed.

"That's the whole thing. C'mon babe, please... it's the least we can do. Without him, I would be long dead of hanahaki, he's the one who gave me enough confidence to ask you out." Lance replied.

"The best thing that we can do for him is tell Shiro, I mean... wouldn't you want to know if it was me dying of Hanahaki?... Hell, I know that I wanted to know when it was you. I was worried sick... We gotta tell Shiro before it's too late." Keith said sternly. Lance reluctantly nodded. With Adam, he was curled up on the floor of his bedroom, trying to calm himself.

"Fuckfuckfuckfuck! This can't be happening, I shouldn't have left the room. It was too early. I should have known better. I should have. I should have. I should have. I-" Adam murmered. His breathing was too quick. More than once, he had to stop himself to cough up flowers that only reminded him more of his lost love. Keith and Lance were walking by Adam's room when they stopped ,hearing him. "He can't know! Takashi's finally happy, I can't put this on him! I can't hurt him again! Not again, I-" Adam stopped when there was a tentative knock on the door. He froze, biting down on his hand to quiet his pants. After a few seconds of silence, the door opened. Keith and Lance were standing there. Lance looked downright terrified, he had never seen Adam so... afraid... He slowly approached the older man.

"Adam?... Hey, you're okay. Take deep breaths, you're okay... we... we won't tell him. Shiro won't know about any of this, I promise." Lance said as he carefully sat by Adam. His movements were slow and careful. Keith watched them from the doorway, quiet. Adam looked up at him as if pleading with him to promise as well, but the younger boy couldn't even meet his gaze. 

"K-Keith..." Adam said quietly. Keith sighed softly.

"I can't promise that, Adam... Look, just because I haven't forgiven you for breaking up with Shiro doesn't meant that I don't care about you, and if telling Shiro is gonna get you the surgery to save your life, I will tell him." Kaith stated calmly. Adam frowned, looking away.

"I just want Takashi to be happy... don't you want that too?..." Adam asked.

"Of course I do, but I-"

"He's happy with Lotor. There is no need to upset them... please... Takashi has moved on and he's happier than he ever was with me... just... let him be. I love him, I do... but that's why I'm doing this... for him... wouldn't you do the same thing for Lance if you were in my position?..." Adam asked. Keith bit his lip.

"I mean, I would but...If I were in Shiro's position, I'd want to know." Keith retaliated.

"Keith, how long was he heartbroken because of me? How long did he miss me? How long did he pine after me?" Adam asked.

"Three years. Why?"

"Because after three years, he's finally happy. He's finally fulfilled. He's finally over me. Please, just let him have this. I'm doing this because I love him. Love is sacrifice, Keith, and now that you have Lance, I know that you'll realize this, but sometimes you need to make decisions out of love. Sometimes, you have to hurt yourself to keep the person you love happy. Love is sacrifice. Takashi knows that just as well as I do. He sacrificed our relationship so that I wouldn't have to watch him die, and now... now he's cured and living his dream and in a perfect relationship... Maybe I won't survive to see a future where Takashi is a king at Lotor's side, happy and having a nice little family. I know that I won't survive to that day at this rate, but I don't wanna go on living if it means losing how I feel about him. I don't want the surgery. If I'm gonna die, I wanna die loving the man that has my heart... I can die happy knowing that he's happy, so please... please Keith... promise me that you won't tell him..."

"I... okay... okay, I promise..."


	6. The Note

That night at dinner, Lance and Keith sat by Adam. Every now and than, one of the pair would glance over at Adam. Eventually, Adam smiled weakly and whispered over.

"You two can relax; I'm fine. Just enjoy diner." Lance, who had been looking at him, frowned a bit. Adam went back to eating and chatting with Pidge about a few new pieces of tech that the Garrison had gotten. Lance leaned a bit on Keith, sighing. Shiro looked over at them.

"Everything okay, you two?" Shiro asked. Lance managed to still himself and nodded.

"Just wish I could have visited home before we had to come back out here, y'know, or at least talk to some of my old friends at the garrison more. I saw Veronica there, but I barely got to talk to her since she was so busy." Lance sighed. Shiro smiled sympathetically. 

"Don't worry, we'll go back eventually. When it's safer for everyone. Besides, I want to go back to Japan and show Lotor here where I grew up, maybe go on a nice long trip before retiring, y'know?" Shiro said. Adam felt his heart clench but he smiled weakly.

"I'm sure your family back home would've loved to meet him..." Adam said.

"Thanks Adam," Shiro said softly before Hunk jumped in.

"Hey, I got some ingredients from Earth, maybe I can whip up some stuff. We could introduce Lotor and the Alteans to Earth food!" Hunk said happily. Everyone seemed on board with the idea especially Adam who was just picking at the goo in front of him.

"It would be nice to have some Earth food. I haven't had a home cooked meal since before..." Shiro trailed off, tentatively glancing over at Adam. 

"Well in that case, maybe I'll help Hunk cook. Y'know... just a little piece of home." Adam said. 

"That... That would be nice actually." Shiro replied. Lotor took his hand softly, sensing his guilt. Shiro looked over at the galara and smiled warmly. 'Thank you' He mouthed. Lotor smiled back, leaning over to kiss his cheek. Around them, everyone was clamoring to tell Hunk and Adam their favorite foods all except for Lance. Lance already knew that Hunk and Adam knew him well enough to know what he liked, but in the moment, he was looking for any petals that Adam could have possibly coughed up. Adam's expression was a relaxed smile as he talked to everyone else. Every so often, he would take a small bite of goo. Eating kept the petals stuck down in his throat. Keith nudged Lance a bit.

"Hey, you okay?" He asked softly. Lance nodded a bit. Keith reached over and cupped his cheek. "What's wrong? You're quiet; it's not like you."

"Babe, I'm fine, really." Lance said. "I'll tell you later, okay? Just not here while everyone else is around us." 

"Oh all right." Keith huffed. 

"I love you." Lance chuckled. Keith smiled and leaned in, giving him a chaste kiss.

"Get a room, you two!" Pidge cried, laughing. Adam laughed along with her. Soon, the entire table erupted into laughter as Adam started telling a story about Lance from back when he used to teach him. He knew that the other paladins were there when it had happened too, but he would never pass up an opportunity to embarrass Lance. At the end of the night, everyone headed to their rooms. Or well, almost everyone. Lance had slipped away to a small hidden section of the ship where he loved to just gaze out at the stars. He sat down and pulled something out of his pocket. Keith came and sat next to him.

"Hey love, what's that?" He asked.

"I'm not sure. I found it back at the garrison, but all that's on it is giberish." Lance said. Keith took the little piece of paper from him. 

'F alk'q fkqhka lk prosfsfkd qelp, Qxhxpef, F'j ploov. F pqfii ilsb vlr.' Were written in Adam's looping handwriting. Keith frowned.

"Adam..." Keith breathed, his eyes sad. "We need to go talk to him, Lance. Right now."


	7. Comfort

Keith and Lance rushed to Adam's room. Adam was sitting by the window and writing something down. He was muttering under his breath as he wrote.

"I'm sorry that it had to end this way. Take care of Lance for me, please. Make sure he-" Adam started.

"What are you doing?" Keith asked softly. Adam froze. "What do you mean that you don't intend on surviving this?..." Adam didn't answer. Lance went and sat next to him, and that's when the blue paladin noticed the tears in the older man's eyes and the cipher decoder that sat next to him.

"Are you... writing your goodbyes?..." Lance asked. He was almost surprised when Adam spoke in the smallest voice he had ever heard him use. 

"You saw him out there... He was so happy... I was planning on leaving tonight, but I- Keith no!" Adam cried, but it was too late. Keith was already well on his way to Shiro and Lotor's room. When Shiro heard Keith's insistent knocking, he went to see what was the matter. Lotor groaned sleepily, grabbing his lover's hand.

"Come back to sleep; I'm sure everything will sort its self out." Said the young galara, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. Shiro smiled softly and lent down to kiss his forehead.

"I'll be back in a bit; you just rest okay?" Shiro said. Lotor huffed and laid back down. Shiro went to the door and went into the hall to meet Keith.

"You need to come with me quick, please. Adam's trying to leave." Keith said quickly. The older man frowned slightly.

"If he wants to go back to Earth, he can. It'll be okay? Worried about Lance? I'm sure they'll get to see him again some day." Shiro said. Keith was almost shocked at how calm the black paladin sounded at the news. 

"Shiro please... We can't let him leave... he's dying." Keith whimpered. Shiro's blood instantly ran cold and his eyes widened. In a few moments, Shiro was running down to Adam's room. He couldn't help but feel a pang of guilt, thinking of how Adam must have felt when he found out about his than fiance's sickness. When he got to Adam's room, Shiro found him trying to comfort a crying Lance who was in his arms.

"Please. Please don't leave Adam. You can't go out there, not like this!" Lance sobbed. Adam ran his fingers through Lance's hair softly.

"It's okay, it's okay. I'm not leaving... I'm sorry... I'm sorry." Adam sighed. "Por favor, Lance, no llore... No voy a salir. Yo promeso." Lance sniffled. Keith frowned a bit and went over. He gently pulled Lance into his arms. 

"C'mon, it's gonna be okay. Just let Shiro talk to him, love." Keith whispered, softly kissing the top of his head.

"B-but Keith, what if-" Lance started. He was cut off by Keith kissing him softly. 

"It's gonna be okay, c'mon." Keith said. He lead Lance out of the room leaving just Adam and Shiro. There was a tense fog clogging up the room.

"You were planning to leave?..." Shiro asked softly. Adam nodded shakily.

"They need me back on Earth and I-" 

"No Adam, what's the real reason? I want to help you okay? We may not be engaged anymore, but you are one of the people who knows me best on this ship. The only reason that I stayed sane when I was captured was because I was thinking of you. You helped me without even knowing it, and I want to help you now." 

"This isn't something that you can help, Takashi..." Adam sighed, hiding his face. Shiro sat by him. He smiled weakly when he saw the cipher decoder,

"You finally learned how to decode Caesar cipher..." He chuckled. Adam swallowed thickly. 

"It kept me preoccupied while you were gone... It reminded me of you... Oh, how could I forget that conspiracy loving boy that I had met in flight training, that I-" Adam whimpered. He shook his head a bit. Shiro picked up one of the pieces of paper and it over. He frowned softly.

"You were serious about still loving me, huh?..." Shiro asked. Adam bit his lower lip as tears gathered in his eyes. His heart was beating far too fast, and he felt the vines already crawling up his throat, trying to choke him. 

"Takashi, I'm sorry..." Adam said softly. "I... I should go. Keith can take care of Lance, I-" Before Adam could even get up to leave, Shiro gently grabbed his arm.

"Please don't leave me again, Adam..." Shiro all but whispered. Adam was frozen, trembling. Tears dripped down his face. Black eyes met brown for a moment and Adam fell to his knees, crying and apologizing profusely. Shiro frowned and went to him, pulling him into a gentle hug. 

'Please no, it'll just get worse' Adam thought, but he couldn't actually bring himself to say those words. For the first time in years, he felt safe again, wrapped in Shiro's arms.

"Adam... hey, it's okay... I may be with Lotor now, but I'm still here for you. I'm not angry at you anymore. I NEVER was. You were not at fault for leaving me, okay? I understand why you did it, and forgive me for saying this, but I am not going to make your mistake. I am not gonna leave you while you're dying of whatever it is. You were my first love and nothing will ever change that. You are still family to me, and I am not about to let you die alone, okay? I'm right here, and I'm not leaving you to die alone. I promise." Shiro said. His voice was soft and gentle as he held the younger man close, gently stroking his hair. Slowly, Adam's breathing evened out as he slumped against Shiro.

"I'm sorry..." Adam whispered softly. "I-it's late, you should be in bed with Lotor, I'm probably keeping you from sleep..."

"So? I'd stay up for nights and nights if it meant keeping you here. A lot of people care about you, Adam. Here and on Earth... I'm just sorry that you'll never get to see the ones on Earth ever again..."

"I'll be okay... I spent years with them already. I'm... happy... to be spending the last part of my life here with you and Lance and Keith and Katie... I wouldn't have it any other way. I'm happy that Keith saved me from..."Adam swallowed thickly as he thought about his almost suicide attempt. For a moment, he could almost feel the steely ice cold of the barrel of the gun pressed flush against his temple. Shiro hugged him a bit tighter.

"Never again, okay? If you do survive, promise me never again." 

"You know that I can't promise that, Takashi..." 

"Yes you can. I know you, you're Adam Walton. You're strong, intelegent, an amazing pilot. You were always the better of the two of us, even the students thought so. You're charming, funny, witty. You got it all set for you back home on Earth." Shiro said softly. Adam sighed and got up with him.

"Goodnight, Takashi..." He said softly. 

"Adam... oh all right, g'night." Just as Shiro was about to leave, Adam hugged him. 

"Thank you..." He whispered. Shiro smiled softly, knowing what Adam meant. He hugged back softly. 

"Anytime, Ad... any time." He let go after a few minuets. Adam's smile faded as soon as the door closed. He rushed to the bathroom, coughing hard. He hunched over the toilet as his eyes stung and his throat burned. When he was done. He stood up and took a shaky breath. He wasn't afraid. He wasn't gonna die alone.


	8. Fill me with poison

After their talk, Shiro and Adam had seemed to grow so much closer. They would spend hour after hour together, laughing, talking, and sometimes reminiscing. To Adam's surprise, he stopped coughing up flowers. 

"Does this mean that you're... over me?..." Shiro asked softly. Adam was was quiet. He shrugged a bit. Adam was pale as a ghost. Shiro frowned and went over to him. He gently rested a hand on the shorter man's shoulder. "Adam?..." 

"I... I'm going to go rest. I'll be... back in a bit..." Adam said softly. Shiro frowned, but watched as his ex slipped away to his room. As soon as the door was closed, Adam leaned back against it and rubbed his throat softly. His expression was totally dull but afraid. Adam took a shaky deep breath, tears falling. His throat was clear; not a single flower or vine was left. Adam felt like he was about to throw up. His heart was beating too fast. He couldn't be over Shiro... could he?... Adam shook his head quickly, covering his mouth. Outside, he could hear Shiro and Lotor talking.

"Shiro love, calm down. He's okay; he's finally accepted that you've moved on." Lotor said softly. Adam bit his lower lip, picturing the prince's hand on Shiro's shoulder.

"Lo, you don't know that... He didn't seem okay, and I know when he's not okay. I've known him for years, and it's not like him to just run off like that." Shiro sighed. The older boy was practically staring through Adam's door. The younger man felt the deep gaze looking right through him. He whimpered softly. 

"Just give him time to rest, and I'm sure he'll be fine." Lotor huffed. Shiro didn't respond, his expression tight lipped and unreadable. "Come now, my love, what do you say you and I break into the collection of earth wines that Hunk brought in, hmm? Surely a little buzz will get your mind off of things. If you'd like, we could even give Adam some. On my home planet, alcohol has many healing properties. If something is wrong, a little bit of wine or gin should fix him right up." 

"I guess, but I'm not in charge of you if you get too drunk." Shiro chuckled softly. Adam almost choked on a sob at that laugh. Lotor went to get the wine. Shiro knocked softly on Adam's door.

"I-I'll be out in a moment. Just go ahead with Lotor, okay? Have some time with your boyfriend. Oh, and if you get too drunk, use protection." Adam called. Adam sighed when he heard Shiro leave. Adam rushed to the bathroom. Adam ran his fingers through his hair before going out to the kitchen. Shiro was teaching Lotor to make a special cocktail. The paladin was leaning against the prince's back, keeping his arms wrapped around his slim waist. Adam felt himself flinch sightly. Adam felt his throat burning, but there was nothing growing there. Adam tried not to whimper. The couple in front of him looked up at him. Shiro couldn't help but smile a bit upon seeing him out and about.

"Hey, you feeling any better? I'm teaching Lo to make a wine and gin cocktail; I know that you love that stuff, so why don't you take a sip or two. Try it out." Shiro said. Adam smiled weakly and went over. He reached over to the glass.

"Wait, if you're feeling sick, why don't I add a bit of galaran medicine. It'll help. It's totally tasteless." Lotor said. Adam put the glass down. Lotor drew a small crystal vile from his pocket and poured some crimson liquid into the glass. Adam couldn't help but cringe as the thick scent of roses drifted up to his nose.

"Are you sure it won't effect the taste? No offense, but it smells horrible." Adam said. Lotor's smile was calm and unctuous. 

"It's fine, trust me. It's meant to be taken with any drink, and it mixes in till nothing is left." Lotor replied confidently. Adam swallowed thickly and took the glass. He downed the entire thing in almost one go. Adam hummed softly at the distinctive sting.

"It's good, really good, but I taste the meds a bit. It tastes a bit like roses." Adam said, licking his lips a bit. Out of the corner of his eye, he could've sworn that he saw Shiro eyeing him. Lotor's sly smile never wavered.

"But it does help with any sickly feelings, doesn't it?" Asked the prince. Adam nodded a bit. There was no burning in his throat anymore, in fact, his throat felt like it was coated in ice. Adam smiled weakly.

"It does feel a lot better. Do you by any chance have more?..." Adam asked. For a moment, it was like lotor's grin widened. 

"I'll see what I can do."


	9. Into the fire

Since Adam's hanahaki disease had seemed to have faded, he was quick to make himself useful around the castle. More often than not, he was either helping Corran with something or another or observing Altean ships. As composed as he was in front of the others, Adam was a total geek. One day, the young man was excitedly looking over one of the altean pods when suddenly, alarms started to blare. With wide eyes, Adam dropped what he was doing and rushed to the main area where everyone was gathered.

"Takashi, what's going on?" He asked. 

"There's a galra fleet close by. They have some captives from Earth. From the garrison." Shiro replied. His expression was tight lipped. Adam's eyes filled with fear.

"From the garrison? How? Did they go back to Earth? I could have sworn we got everyone out! Takashi, how did this happen?" Adam asked quickly.

"I have no time for questions right now, Adam, I'm sorry. Look, I don't know how they got their hostages, but they have them. We can't waste any time or we're going to lose them." Shiro replied quickly. Adam bit his lower lip, staying quiet. Suddenly, the face of a young looking galara man flickered up onto the the screen. 

"Attention paladins of Voltron," The Galra man said, "This is Admiral Dhelnix of the planet Dibazol. The black paladin is asked to bring Prince Lotor to me in the black lion, and I may consider letting these humans here live." He grabbed a young cadet with a bag over her head and threw her to the ground in front of him. He put a gun to her head. "You have three hours, black paladin or else-" He shot the girl through the head "I will do the same to more of them." Adam felt his heart clench. He looked over at Shiro who was looking over at Lotor.

"Takashi, you can't be thinking of-" Adam started.

"They won't hurt Lotor, maybe if they get him back, he can convince the admiral to give us the cadets. No one else gets hurt, but the other paladins will be near by if anything goes awry." Shiro said.

"But you're finally happy again, you're really going to give that up, and not only that, you could be risking your life again!" Adam exclaimed.

"I risk my life every other day, Adam, this is no different. Besides, we are in the middle of a war. I can find Lotor again after when everything has settled down. You of all people should know this; you're part of Earth's defenses." Shiro retaliated. 

"Just because I'm part of Earth's defenses doesn't mean that I'm still not afraid! Think for a second, Takashi. What if you die out there? What if the galra double cross you? Do you want to die right in front of Lotor? Do you want him to have to go through the pain that I went through when I thought you were dead?" Adam asked. Tears were filling his eyes without him noticing. 

"Adam..." Shiro sighed and rested a hand on the shorter man's shoulder. "Listen to me, okay? I'm not going to die. I have a plan. I don't want to risk bringing Lotor back to them, but I do know that some of those cadets that Dhelnix has are some of your students, and I know that you care about them. I'm gonna rescue them, okay, but I need you to trust me." Adam swallowed thickly. He almost flinched as he felt Lance's hand on his other shoulder.

"Shiro's got all of us backing him up, Adam, it's going to be okay." Lance said. Lotor went over to Shiro and gently cupped his cheek.

"If I need to go with you, I-" Started the prince. 

"No, we'll use a hologram." Shiro said in a hushed voice, far too quiet for the admiral to hear over the communicator. "You will stay here with Adam and Allura and Corran. Safe." Adam moved away a bit with the blue paladin to give Shiro and Lotor some space. 

"Just... please... make sure you all get back safe." Adam said softly. He pulled Lance into a gentle hug. The teen nodded. Suddenly, there was a scream over the communicator. Adam looked up quickly and only just managed to hold back a gasp of horror.

"Give me that one, the feisty girl." Dhelnix snarled. A young galra soldier probably no more than nineteen shakily nodded and carefully grabbed a cadet who was fighting and struggling, trying to get out of her bounds. The bag was roughly yanked off of her head to reveal big dark brown eyes that glinted behind a pair of half glasses.

"Let me go, you insufferable pig!" She shrieked as she kicked up, aiming for the galra's crotch. The girl gasped as Dhelnix grabbed her by the throat and aimed the gun at her head.

"Rubylin!" Adam cried, his eyes wide and filled with tears. The younger galra winced a bit.

"Father please, you said that you would give the paladin's three hours. I can take this one down to the cells so that she doesn't cause anymore trouble." The galra boy said quickly. He yelped as Dhelnix struck him across the face. 

"I know what I said, Krux, do not speak out of turn. I will do with the captives as I please, and surely the earthlings won't miss just one more." Sneered the admiral. Rubylin shut her eyes, clawing at his throat. Krux looked over at the screen, frowning when he saw that Shiro had gone over to steady Adam who looked close to having a breakdown.

"Not this one, it seems that one of the humans cares for her. They may turn on us if any harm comes to her. Please, if you would, heed my warnings." Krux replied urgently. Rubylin yelped and gasped for air as she was thrown back to the ground roughly. Krux was at her side in moment, though only to make sure she was all right and take her shackles.

"Fine, she can live, but only for three hours." said the admiral. Back on the castle ship, Shiro had just managed to calm Adam.

"Adam, We will get her back, I promise." Shiro said softly, carefully running his fingers through the shorter man's hair. 

"Please, don't let them kill her." Adam whimpered. Shiro held him carefully. He sighed as the communicator was fully shut off.

"I won't, I promise. I need you to breath for me, okay? I'm gonna need you here to be ready to bring the cadets in as soon as we get them off of the galra ship. I'll try to save as many as I can, but I need you to be strong and be calm." Shiro said softly. Adam nodded, taking shaky breaths. 

"Get that boy too, Krux, I believe it was. We can use him as a bargaining chip if need be." Lotor said. "But if you can't... please, just come back alive..." Shiro smiled softly and went over to kiss the prince.

"I will, I promise." Shiro said lovingly before turning, his expression going hard. "All right paladins, to your lions. We're going in."


	10. Drowning

Adam stood watching as Shiro and the paladins flew to the Galra ship in their lions. He paled when he noticed that they had left the hologram device lying on the ground.

"Takashi..." He whimpered. Lotor watched him as he grabbed the hologram, and rushed for a pod, but he didn't make it far before the prince grabbed him.

"No, Shiro said that you were needed here. You can't go." Lotor said sternly. With trembling hands, Adam turned back and went back over. Brown eyes were glued to the screen as he was forced to helplessly watch his beloved fly right into the middle of the Galra fleet. On Dhelnex's ship, the four remaining cadets and one of the professors from the garrison were huddled in the corner of a cell. The professor,Francis, had a boy curled up in his arms who was trembling and pale.

"Dad... please... please don't let them kill me..." The boy whimpered. 

"They won't Alex, I promise. Just... Just hold on..." Francis murmured. Lin separated from the huddle and wandered over to the door. She pressed her palm against the cold metal. 

"You can't promise that, you don't know if-" Suddenly, the ship lurched, and she screamed as she fell over. Just outside the ship, the black lion had sunken its claws deep into the ship's metal. Shiro rushed out of the lion and sprinted inside to find the holding cells. Adam's breath hitched as he saw a flash of purple streak in front of the camera. Another flash of violet passed the camera. 

"They won't hurt him, not as long as he has anything to do with me." Lotor said. His bright blue eyes never leaving the screen for a moment.

"Shiro, we got you covered!" Lance called as he ran up behind the older paladin.

"No, go back to the rest of the team. I can deal with rescuing the prisoners myself. Go Lance, Keith needs you." Shiro said. Lance was about to argue, but a stern look from the older paladin sent him rushing back to the others. Shiro's breath was heavy as he continued on through the corridor. The zing of energy bullets filled the air as some sentries fired at Shiro. He grit his teeth and used the blade in his arm to cut them to shreds. Lin gasped as she heard the commotion outside. Francis got up quickly. He gently put his son down and moved Lin back with the others. 

"Stay back just in case." Francis said. Lin didn't argue. 

"C'mon, c'mon, they gotta be somewhere here..." Shiro muttered as he looked around. His blade was still out, held at his side. Adam began to grow frustrated as the flash of purple was seen in front of the camera again. Suddenly, a growling voice echoed through the hall.

"You have made a very big mistake, black paladin." Dhelnex snarled. Krux was at his side, straight faced. The younger galra handed his father a sword. Shiro held his ground, bearing his blade. Dhelnex's sword cut through the air as he made an attempt to slice into Shiro's chest. Shiro quickly blocked the strike with his own blade. He threw Dhelnex off.

"There's no way in hell I'm letting you take Lotor." Shiro snarled. The galra admiral laughed.

"So you're in love with the half caste now, are you? Go figure you'd go for someone who's messed in the head." Dhelnex laughed. Shiro made a quick slash at Dhelnex's head only to be grabbed by the elbow. Shiro moved to make a slash, but was thrown to the ground. "I'm not surprised that a slut like you would put up such a fight. Just protecting your property, aren't you?" Shiro had landed right in front of the door. Lin gasped when she heard the black paladin's voice. She rushed to the door, and banged on the cold hard metal.

"Shiro! Shiro we're in here!" She all but screamed. Francis pulled her back. "Stop it! Stop it!" She struggled in the older man's grip. 

"Hmmm, you didn't hold up your end of the deal, so I don't have to hold up mine." Dhelnex sneered. Quiet, Krux went and opened the sell door. Lin gasped, shrinking back. Krux gave her and Francis a look and shushed them. "Get that boy there." Dhelnex pointed at Alex. Alex gasped, scurrying back to try and get away. Fearing for the younger caddet, Lin got in front of him.

"No, take me instead. Please." She said quickly. Krux winced a bit, but grabbed her. His grip was loose. Lin was quiet as Krux brought her out. Dhelnex scoffed.

"Self sacrificing type now are you? Pathetic." He grabbed her and switched his sword for a gun, holding it right at her temple. Lin closed her eyes. Suddenly, the ship lurched again. Everyone was hurled to the ground, and Shiro's helmet fell off, shattering the camera and communicator. Lotor cried out in fear. Adam was frozen in terror, his brown eyes blown wide and full of tears. For a moment, everything seemed to stop. Adam felt like he couldn't breath. Everything was too bright, too loud, and something... something was scratching at the back of his throat. Suddenly, he gasped and doubled over in a fit of coughs. The coppery taste of blood mingled with a sickly sweet flavor in his mouth. Allura was at his side, but he could barely hear what she was saying to him. In a rush, Adam shoved her away, and rushed to his room where he collapsed to the floor. His throat was burning as rough vines and thorny roses began to tear their way up from his lungs. His breaths were only gasps now, fleeting and ragged. Slowly, his vision began to go as well. 

"T-Tak-Tak-k-Takashi..."


	11. Unlock a cage to dig a grave

Back on Dhelnix's ship, Shiro was struggling to get up. Footsteps could be heard further down the halls as the other paladins ran to his aid.

"You human fools." Dhelnix snarled as he rose, aiming his gun at the black paladin. Suddenly, however, he passed out. Behind him stood Krux with his father's sword in hand. He was panting wildly as he quickly rushed to get the cadets and Francis.

"C'mon, let's get you out of here." He said. Lin was the last person that he grabbed. Their eyes met for a brief moment, but nothing more. Shiro was busy making sure that no one was hurt. As soon everyone was checked over. Shiro began leading them out of the ship. The ships long winding halls seemed to impossibly shift as they sprinted towards the hanger and towards their lions. Towards safety. 

"Everyone on, C'mon!" Shiro called. He and Keith began to help the cadets into red and black. Francis, Alex, and a girl were with Keith. Shiro was helping Lin and two other girls into Black when he was suddenly stopped by Krux.

"Please... get them somewhere safe. When my father wakes up, he is not gonna be happy. He's gonna go after them and you... please. Earth isn't safe. The galra have taken over and-" Krux said before Shiro put a hand on his shoulder. 

"They'll be fine kid, trust me. Just get in." Shiro said. Krux was taken aback but got in without another word. Shiro and the other paladins got into their lions and flew off just as the sentries could be heard running towards them. Shiro let out a breath of relief as he leaned back. Rubylin tentatively walked over to the young man. 

"Shiro..." She said softly. "Are you all right?..." Shiro looked back at her.

"I should be the one asking you that, Ruby, after all, you were just on a galra ship about to get shot. Are you okay?" He inquired. The girl huffed softly.

"M' fine... nothing more than a few scratches and a cut down my arm. They didn't bang me up too much... Is... Is Adam with you?... I saw him over the communicator. Is he okay? The last time I talked to him he was..." She bit her lip as she stared at the ground. Shiro frowned softly .

"why don't you ask him yourself when you get to our ship, okay? He's supposed to be waiting there to check you all over. He was pretty worried about you." Shiro said. Lin sighed softly, leaning on the chair. 

"Did you ever apologize to him?..." She asked. Shiro sighed, looking down. 

"Yes... yes I did, and we made amends." 

"Are you two..."

"No... no, I'm with someone else now. Adam knows, and he's all right with it. Adam's over me." 

"I highly doubt that." Lin scoffed. Shiro fully turned around at these words.

"He had hanahaki disease while he was on the ship, and it went away. That has to mean that he's over me. That's how it works. No unrequited love means no flowers. It's really that simple." Shiro retaliated. Lin smiled sadly. Her dark eyes were full of pity and something else.\

"You don't know how long he mourned you, do you? You don't know about the days when he would seal himself away because the pain was too much. No one knows. No one except me and Lance. You know what Adam's like. He doesn't keep secrets. What does that tell you?"

"So? He thought I was dead; grief changes people."

"Maybe... is that why YOU'RE suddenly so cold? I didn't expect you to actually give up on Adam, really." 

"I didn't give up on him. This was bound to happen eventually. He gave up on me. I never thought that we would work out anyway. It's better for the both of us that Lotor and I are a thing; it gives him a chance to open up and find someone new. We were never meant to work out in the first place."

"Ah yes, and yet you still said yes to him. You still said that you would marry him even though you knew in your heart that you two wouldn't work out. Bullshit." Lin snapped. Her tone was laced with malice as she turned away from the paladin. She wouldn't meet the man's eyes, afraid that her gaze would show a hint of disappointment. Shiro didn't retaliate in fact, his face was hard set and stoic. He turned back to his lion's controls. Lin sighed and shook her head. She stayed curled on the floor of the black lion for almost the entire flight to the castle. As soon as they landed, Allura rushed over to Shiro.

"Shiro! Oh thank goodness, we thought you were dead." She exclaimed as she hugged her tight. Close behind her was Lotor who practically ran over and pulled the black paladin into a deep and passionate kiss. It was a clash of lips and tounges and teeth. 

"You're back..." Lotor breathed as he leaned his forehead against Shiro's. Shiro smiled.

"I told you that I would be." He said. Lin was looking around almost frantically. 

"Where's Adam?..." She asked softly.

"He thought Shiro had been killed and ran to his room in tears." Lotor said softly. Shiro frowned a bit. 

"C'mon then, he should be in his room." Shiro said. He let go of Lotor and went to Adam's room with Lin close behind. Once the door was opened, however, the breath caught in his throat. The paladin surpressed the urge to throw up at the sight before him. Lin, however, couldn't hold in her scream. There in the middle of the floor lay Adam's cold dead body. His brown eyes were half lidded and glassy, devoid of life. The only color on his skin was the crimson staining his lips. Vines covered in thorns and roses were crawling from the deciesed pilot's gaping mouth having sealed the way after one last name slipped passed his lips. 

Adam was dead.


	12. Violet Sorrows

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd like to apologize for the angst in this chapter in advanced this time. *Gives everyone tissues, chocolate, a warm blanket, and one floofy space wolf* You're gonna probably need these

Shiro's eyes were full of tears as he stared down at his ex-lover's body. His hands were trembling.

"No... no... nononono It was gone! Why- This wasn't supposed to happen!" Shiro cried, falling to his knees. Lotor heard his boyfriend's sobs and went to him. The galra prince rocked the young paladin a bit as he tried to calm him. Shiro's eyes were wide as he watched young Lin holding on to Adam's cold body. Shiro almost threw up. Adam's body was staring at him with wide glassy, unseeing eyes. Shiro had always loved Adam's eyes, but now they broke his already shattered heart. Lotor's heart ached for him. 

"C'mon, you should rest." The prince said softly. He helped Shiro up.

"Wait... Please..." Shiro muttered. There was something white sticking out of Adam's Pocket. Shiro gently took it out and choked back a sob. It was a note written in caesar cipher. 

'Ghdu Wdndvkl, 

L'p zulwlqj wklv wr vdb wkdw L oryh brx. Pdbeh iru wkh odvw wlph. L grq'w nqrz li brx'oo hyhu uhdg wklv, exw L kdyh wr jhw wklv rxw wkhuh. L'p vruub... iru hyhubwklqj wkdw L'yh grqh, doo wkh zdbv wkdw L kxuw brx. L vkrxog kdyh qhyhu wulhg wr nhhs brx iurp brxu guhdp, ehvlghv, lw'v pruh lpsruwdqw wkdq ph. Wklv zruog zloo dozdbv eh pruh lpsruwdqw wkdq ph. L plvv brx, pruh wkdq brx nqrz, pruh wkdq brx hyhu zloo nqrz, exw L gr krsh wkdw zkhq brx uhdg wklv, brx'oo nqrz wkdw L glhg lq shdfh. Wdnh fduh ri Odqfh dqg Olq dqg Mbqa iru ph. L nqrz wkdw wkhb'oo eh kxuwlqj zkhq wkhb ilqg rxw zkdw L'yh grqh. Pb lqwhqwlrq lv qrw wr kxuw dqb rqh ri brx, exw L fdq'w... L fdq'w wdnh wklv olih dqb pruh zlwkrxw brx khuh eb pb vlgh... Zhoo, lw'v vwduwlqj wr jhw kdug wr zulwh qrz wkdw wkh sloov duh nlfnlqj lq. L krsh wkdw brx nqrz wkdw L oryh brx. SOhdvh olyh rq iru ph. L oryh brx.

Hyhu brxuv, Dgdp' 

Shiro froze, his breathing becoming uneven "No... This was a suicide note written years ago, I... why would he... Adam wasn't-" 

"He was... For ages after you left. He was hurting without you... I told you he wasn't over you. He NEVER was, not Adam" Lin said. Shiro flinched as he saw that the girl's eyes were full of tears. "He loved you, Shiro, and he's dead because of you... And to think I once called you my hero." Lin's voice was full of venom. Krux came into the room and gently pulled her into his arms and took her to the other room.

"I didn't know... I thought he was okay..." Shiro said softly. Lotor carefully held him.

"We all did..." Lotor sighed. He frowned when he noticed the two rings clutched tightly in Shiro's hand along with the note. He took Shiro to their shared bedroom and helped him to bed. "Rest for now... We can worry about what more we can do when you wake up,"

"What about the rest of the team?... Lance will be devastated..." 

"He has Keith to care for him and comfort him."

"What about the cadets? Lin hates me, and I'm sure that Jinx will as well... I-I need to apologize, to-"

"You have nothing to apologize for, my love. Sleep for a while. When you wake up, all will be well, don't worry." Lotor said. He left a small kiss at the paladin's forehead before leaving. Shiro lay awake for hours. His human hand rubbed at his robotic arm like mad in a desperate attempt to comfort himself, but nothing worked. Every time he closed his eyes, he would see Adam's bright warm brown eyes morph into those glassy orbs that had watched him leave the body of the man that he once loved. Every time he tried to dream, he heard Adam's once bright lively voice turn raspy and scratched by thorns. Every time he took a breath, he smelled the sickly sweet of the rose oil that Adam had once loved to put in his hair changing into a sick mockery of what was. A sick mockery of happiness. The black paladin saw a crystal vial sitting on the bedside table. Perhaps a sip would help... As soon as a drop touched his lips, he passed out. He was only unconcious for a moment however. When he opened his eyes, they were glowing violet. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Translation for Adam's note 

'dear Takashi,

I'm writing this to say that I love you. maybe for the last time. I don't know if you'll ever read this, but I have to get this out there. I'm sorry... for everything that I've done, all the ways that I hurt you. I should have never tried to keep you from your dream, besides, it's more important than me. this world will always be more important than me. I miss you, more than you know, more than you ever will know, but I do hope that when you read this, you'll know that I died in peace. take care of lance and lin and jynx for me. I know that they'll be hurting when they find out what I've done. my intention is not to hurt any one of you, but I can't... I can't take this life anymore without you here by my side... well, it's starting to get hard to write now that the pills are kicking in. I hope that you know that I love you. Please live on for me. I love you.

Ever yours, Adam'


	13. Comfort?

The violet glow in Shiro's eyes only lasted a moment. He shook his head a little bit, groaning softly. He huffed softly and ran his fingers through his hair. He sat down on the bed. 

"Guess those galra meds don't work for me then." Shiro huffed softly. He laid down and tried to get some sleep. For almost half an hour, he tossed and turned. Lin was passing by the room when she heard Shiro struggling. She let out a soft huff. As angry as she was, she could never hate Shiro, not with how much Adam had loved him. She snuck into the room and left him a glass of water and some sleeping pills. In Lance's room, Keith held the younger man in his arms. Lance had his face buried in his boyfriend's shoulder as he cried and cried. 

"I t-though he wa-was getting better!" Lance sobbed. Keith looked at him sadly. He ran his fingers through Lance's soft brown hair. 

"We all did, hun, I know... It's okay... It's gonna be okay... He's not hurting anymore..." Keith said softly. He winced as Lance cried harder. The red paladin's heart ached. He thought of Shiro in the other room who was tossing and turning and still trying to find solace in sleep. The entire castle as a whole was very quiet. Coran and Allur had stored Adam's body in one of the pods to keep it from decaying. As soon as they got to Earth, they planned to help the paladins hold a respectable funeral. While everyone else was mourning, Lotor, the one who of all people should have been with Shiro and comforting him, was wandering the castle. He scoffed when nothing of interest caught his attention. The prince slipped into the hanger where the lions were all recharging. Blue and Black were hunched low, almost as if they could feel their paladins' grief through the very walls. Red let out what sounded like an angry growl.

"Sentient but not very smart, hmm?" Lotor hummed as he approached Red. In a second, the lion's particle barrier was up. Lotor scoffed and went further in. When nothing else was of interest, Lotor finally went to him and Shiro's room. Shiro was leaning back in bed and waiting for the sleeping pills that he had just taken to kick in. He looked up at Lotor. Shiro's eyes were red and bloodshot from crying. 

"Where've you been?" Shiro asked softly.

"Just wandering, I didn't get into any trouble." Lotor said softly. He sat on the bed and ran his fingers through his lover's soft locks. "I'm sorry I didn't come to you right away." Shiro sighed and leaned on him a bit.

"It's okay... I think I may be sick anyway. Had a major headache earlier anyway. needed a little bit of alone time." He looked down at his hands. Lotor gently hugged him. The embrace was warm and comforting; Shiro gratefully leaned into it. 

"It's all right, my darling, I understand. You've had quite the day today. I had feared you'd died out there when the communicator went dead." Lotor whispered. His voice soothing and soft. "I was so afraid I'd lost you. Adam had wanted to go and give you the hologram, but I stopped him... I didn't want you to be angry with him for leaving..."

"Fuck... He died thinking that I was dead... I mean, by his suicide note, I know that he's wanted to die for a while but... I don't think he'd wanted to go like this... He didn't deserve this... Lin's right... I caused this..."

"Shiro my love, no... no... No! You did not cause this. You know that he could've gotten the surgery at any time he pleased. You never told him to keep the sickness, but he did anyway." 

"I knew how stubborn he was, and I didn't even try to stop him! I could've saved him, and- Fuck, I put him though this same guilt years ago! I-" 

"Did everything that you could have done. You made his last days full of the comfort of those he loves. He got to see you happy before he passed, and I know that you know that he would have wanted that. He was always smiling with you, Keith, Lance, and the others. You gave him a happy last days... And if it helps any, I was trying to help give him more time with you. The medicine, it was..."

"Hanahaki surpressant?... Lotor, you really gave him surpressants? They're so rare, how did you-"

"I'm an emporer, my love, I can get whatever I want, and I wanted you to be happy. I saw the light in your eyes when you saw him. I didn't want you to lose that light." Lotor sighed. Shiro felt his heart swell with warmth and love for the young galra. He pulled Lotor into a sweet kiss. Lotor smiled, but there was something behind it. It was a twisted smile as he wasn't smiling at his lover. No, he was smiling because he knew who was really seeing through those deep dark eyes.


	14. Nightmares and comforts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can we all just agree that Shiro deserves just a little bit of happiness?

Shiro was trembling as he stood at the foot of the pod before him. Hot tears were streaming down his face.

"Adam I'm sorry, I-I.." Shiro stuttered. Suddenly, the pod opened. The black paladin stumbled back almost in shock. His breath caught in his throat as Adam sat up in front of him. His eyes were glowing a fierce purple hue.

"You killed me, now you must bring me back. I was NEVER supposed to die. It was supposed to be you." Adam sneered. More tears sprung to Shiro's eyes.

"I know, I know! Please, tell me how I can bring you back." Shiro cried. Adam smirked, getting out of the pod and going over to him. Shiro almost retched in horror when he saw the vines and dead flowers coiling around Adam. Adam went over and cupped Shiro's cheek. His hand was cold as ice and his nails were thorns. What was odd was that his hand was covered in deep purple fur. 

"You know how to bring me back, Takashi. You just need to let go." Adam leaned in and kissed Shiro softly. "Bring the prince to his people, and the witch will reward you. If you don't, this will be on your conscience as well." The vines around Adam started growing and wrapping around his body. Adam cried out and fell to the ground. Vines burst from his chest, and soon his body was nothing more than a pile of bones and vines.On the thinnest vines was a bright silver ring. Adam's engagement ring. Shiro was about to scream when he suddenly was shaken awake. Lotor was holding him, concern in his eyes.

"Shiro love, are you all right? You were crying in your sleep." Lotor asked. His voice was soft as if he were talking to a scared child. Shiro took a shaky brath.

"M' fine Lo, Just had a nightmare... I think I need to go on a walk to clear my head... maybe visit Black a bit..." The exhausted and trembling paladin got up and put on a shirt before leaving. He walked to the main room of the castle where most everyone else was sitting. Shiro saw Lin in the corner talking to a pink haired girl, Jynx. He could barely look at the two of them, remembering what Lin had said when they'd found Adam. Keith gave the older man a sympathetic look and went over to him, leaving Krux with Krolia. 

"Hey Shiro..." Keith said softly. He pulled Shiro into a gentle comforting hug. Shiro was more than a little taken aback by the boy's sudden show of affection, but he hugged back weakly. He almost whimpered when Lance came over to hug him as well. 

"We were worried about you, bud. How're you feeling?" Lance asked. Shiro sighed shakily.

"Horrible to say the least..." Shiro replied. Both of the younger paladins frowned a bit.

"It wasn't your fault, you know that right? One, no one can blame you for moving on when he left you right before you left for Kerberos... Two, He wouldn't want you blaming yourself... He loved you too much to let you do that." Lance said.

"Hey, look on the bright side. He's not in pain anymore..." Keith added. Shiro took a shaky breath.

"Maybe, but he probably died thinking that I had died on the ship and-"Shiro choked out.

"And wherever he is, I know that he would be happy to know that you're not." Lin said. Shiro turned quickly to face the cadet. Lin sighed. "He loved you... more than anything in this world, and he's probably happy wherever he is knowing that you're alive..." Shiro frowned.

"You don't know that... You're probably the one that he was more worried about. He freaked out when he saw you on that ship. Poor Adam almost had a heart attack when he saw that Dhelnix had you." Sriro stated in a matter of fact way. Lin smiled softly.

"Of course he would... He loved me and Jynx and Lance like his own kids. I would be more worried if he WASN'T scared for us." Lin replied. A dry chuckle escaped Shiro's lips.

"Yeah.. when he loved, he loved with every single part of him..." Shiro sighed.

"You were no exception," Lance said. "And I don't think he died mad at you... He wouldn't... not after he gave up his happiness for you..." Keith grabbed Shiro's arm and pulled him over to the couch.

"Yeah, he really did love you, y'know. You should have heard the schpeel he went off on when we tried to persuade him to get the hanahaki flowers removed." Said the red paladin. Shiro chuckled sadly.

"That's Adam all right... Once you get him started, it takes ages to stop him. Of course, he was a wonder with his words..." Shiro sighed. Lin smiled sadly.

"He wrote poems for you while you were gone, y'know. There were about eighty the last time I saw them. There were apologies mostly and a lot of declarations of love. He was such a sap... but only to you..." Lin said. Shiro bit his lower lip.

"And I didn't deserve it... You were right when you said that he was dead because of me... I'm sorry... really, I am... And I will never stop being sorry..." Shiro said. Lin frowned.

"Shiro... look... I spoke out of turn... I was angry and hurt... I should have never said that to you..." Lin replied. Lance sat beside Shiro, smiling weakly.

"For what it's worth, none of us blame you, Shiro. " Lance said softly. The others all nodded.

"We could never blame you... not after everything you've done for us. For all of us." Keith added. Shiro felt himself tearing up again, but not out of sadness this time. His heart was touched.

"Keith, I..."

"For the longest time, you and Adam showed me what love could be... You two gave me a family again after I lost my dad." Keith said. Lance smiled softly.

"You showed me what it meant to be a leader," Lance added. 

"You showed me what it meant to push against the odds and become greater than what you are," Lin said. "Without you, most of us wouldn't be here today... and I know that Adam would have been happy knowing that you're here with us. Happy... or at least getting there." 

"We're all here for you, Shiro." Keith chided. "After all, brothers stick together." Shiro smiled and hugged Keith.

"Thank you..."


	15. Of memories and smiles

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think some fluff is in order to help recover from the previous few chapters. :3

Shiro groaned and shifted as he woke up. He groaned when he found that the bed beside him was ice cold. He huffed and pouted, getting up.

"Adam must have gone for a run again." He chuckled. The dark-haired man stretched and got out of bed. Sunlight was streaming through the window of their little home within the garrison, giving it a soft warm glow to match the love of the couple inside. Shiro got dressed and went out to wander the halls of the garrison. It was a Saturday, so most of the cadets were roaming the building. 

"Hey Shiro!" Francis called happily, going over to his comrade. Alex followed close behind his dad, quiet. 

"Have you seen Adam around here today?" Shiro asked.

"Yeah, I think he's in one of the simulator rooms helping some of the cadets," Francis replied, "Last I saw, he had Lin, Jynx, and that Serrano boy with him. He asked if Alex wanted any help, but we were just heading out." 

"Thanks a bunch. Seriously though, if Alex ever needs any help with flight training, you know where to find us." Shiro said. He waved before going into the simulation room. Lin and Jynx were talking happily in the corner while Adam helped Lance through the simulation. Shiro smiled softly, seeing Adam's expression as he helped the younger boy. Adam's eyes were narrowed in concentration as he carefully repositioned Lance's hands.

"You were going a little too much to the right on that one, try to stay steady," Adam said. Lance nodded. Lin went quiet as soon as she saw Shiro. Jynx giggled.

"C'mon, he's just Adam's man, you don't need to be so shy around him." She laughed. Lin nudged her, mumbling something under her breath. Shiro chuckled softly. The simulation stopped, and Lance came out looking dejected. "Hey, you got through longer than last time." Jynx offered. Lance huffed but smiled gratefully in return. 

"Thanks for the help today, Adam. I'll see you tomorrow, Hunk's got this crazy idea and-" Lance started.

"Don't get into any trouble you two, I don't want to have to bail you out of trouble again." Adam chuckled. Lance waved and ran off. The girls bid Adam goodbye as well before going off to who knows where. Shiro saw his opportunity and snaked his arms around his boyfriend's waist. 

"I missed you this morning, beautiful" Shiro hummed, burying his face in Adam's soft hair. Adam giggled, leaning into his touch.

"Kashi, last night I told you that I'd be helping out my kids after the morning run." Adam huffed.

"Well be glad I didn't try to cook breakfast again." Shiro said. Adam laughed aloud.

"Oh good, I was hoping that my kitchen would still be in one piece by the time I got home to cook lunch. Speaking of food, we still on for the date tonight?"

"Hmmm, let me think. You already bought a nice outfit... Oh! I forgot to make reservations."

"Takashi!" Adam cried, giving Shiro a bitchface. Shiro laughed, nuzzling him.

"Don't worry, don't worry. We're still on for our date tonight." Shiro said as he pulled Adam into a soft chaste kiss. "We've got today aaaaall to ourselves. It was the least I could do to make our anniversary special this year." Adam smiled helplessly.

"What would I do without you in my life, Takashi Shirogane?"

"I don't know, Adam Walton, maaaaybe crash and burn?"

"I probably would. You know that I can be an utter wreck sometimes..."

"Not with the cadets. You're amazing with them. Who knows, maybe one day, they may just get a surprise visit from the garrison's youngest pilot."

"I sware Takashi, if you interrupt my class again-" 

"I know what you're gonna say, and I know that you wouldn't really do it because you love me." Shiro laughed. Adam shrieked with laughter as his boyfriend picked him up bridal style.

"Takashi, put me down!" Adam laughed. He clung to his boyfriend who just smiled and carried him back to their quarters. The younger man hummed softly, cuddling into Shiro's broad chest. The young pilot smiled and set his lover gently on the couch. 

"Hmmm what to do, what to do today." Shiro thought aloud.

"Why don't we have a nice day on the town? I have the day off, and you clearly need some relaxation. The city in the day time would be a nice change from what we usually see." Adam replied. Shiro thought for a moment and nodded. The whole day, the two of them were out and about just being happy. By the time their date came, Adam was a giggling mess. 

"You go get ready okay? I need to help Matt with something, and I'll get you on my way back." Shiro said. Adam nodded a bit and kissed him.

"Don't hurry up, okay? I got something very special planned for you." He said. Shiro nodded before leaving. He didn't see Adam taking the black velvet ring box out of his pocket. Shiro quickly rushed to Matt who had his suit among other things.

"Does he suspect anything?" Matt asked. Shiro grinned and shook his head.

"Not a single thing as of yet. He's getting ready now, and apparently, he has something special and doesn't want me to hurry, so I got time and-" Matt shoved Shiro into the bathroom with his suit, black undershirt, and tie. 

Less talk, more getting ready. You know Adam's a classy dude. He won't say yes if you look like a piece of shit." Matt teased. Shiro huffed and quickly got ready. He examined himself in the mirror and took a breath. 

"You think he'll like it?" He asked as he stepped out of the bathroom. Matt handed him a small brown velvet box.

"Just... say the right things, and I'm sure he'll say yes."

"Matt!"

"I'm kidding! I'm kidding! Shiro, you look fine, don't worry.He loves you, there's no way that he'll say no." Matt said. Shiro smiled nervously and thanked his friend before going back to get his boyfriend. Shiro grinned as he helped Adam onto his hoverbike.

"Hold on tight, okay?" Shiro said, getting on in front of him. Adam wrapped his arms snugly around Shiro's waist, smiling. Soon, they were speeding off through the night to the restaurant. Adam was smiling and laughing as he held tight to Shiro. The wind whistled through his hair, and his eyes stung with tears from the cold. As soon as they reached their destination, Shiro helped him off and took him inside. The younger man was panting, a permanent grin plastered onto his face. They were taken to a small table beside the window, looking out at the sparkling city lights below.

"Takashi, this is beautiful, how did you ever afford it?" Adam gasped. 

"Well being a pilot has it's perks," Shiro replied. They talked and laughed throughout the whole night. Just as it was ending, Adam took Shiro's hand.

"This night... has been perfect... better than anything that you could have ever given me. Despite your flaws, you're the sweetest guy I've ever met, and you've made me happier than I've ever been in my entire life. You're my entire world, so..." He got down on one knee and pulled out the ring box. "Takashi Shirogane, will you do me the greatest honor of becoming my husband?" He opened up the box to reveal a beautiful black ring set with a single black diamond. Shiro paled.

"Noooo!" He exclaimed. Adam's smile fell, and he felt tears spring to his eyes.

"No?... T-Takashi, wha-"

"No, I mean yes, I mean, I-"

"What is it, did I do something wrong? Is it too soon? What can I do to make you reconsider? I-"

"Ad no! I was gonna propose to you!" Shiro said. Adam froze. Shiro took the brown ring box out of his pocket and opened it to reveal a gold ring studded with a Swarovski crystal for each color of the rainbow. They both stared at each other for a moment before bursting out laughing. Adam threw his arms around Shiro, holding him close.

"Yes! A thousand times yes, Takashi you adorable idiot!" Adam laughed. The two of them shared a tender kiss before parting and exchanging rings, still laughing like the dorks that they were...


	16. Brother my brother

Shiro smiled sadly at the memory. It was late, and everyone else had gone to bed. Shiro was sitting alone in the rec room and staring down at the rings that he had taken out of his pocket. The ring that he had given Adam looked a bit worn. A single stone was missing from it, but it was nothing too major. The ring that Adam had given him looked almost untouched. The black metal shone dully under the soft blue lights of the castle. It was truly beautiful. Shiro held the rings to his chest as tears fell. Keith had gone out for a cup of water when he saw the older paladin sitting alone. He went to sit beside him.

"Hey... Are you okay?" Keith asked. Shiro didn't respond, his fingers rubbing over the smooth metal of the rings. They were silent for a few seconds.

"I'm fine..." Shiro finally said. 

"Shiro... if Lance is hurting right now because of Adam, I know that you are too... I'm sorry if you don't want to talk about it... Just don't bottle it up, okay?" Keith said softly. Shiro sighed, hiding his face in his hands. His shoulders were slumped almost in defeat.

"I should never have left..." Shiro muttered. Tears were streaming down his face as sobs slowly began to wreck his body. The younger boy frowned a bit and hugged him.

"Hey... if you had never left, you would still be sick... would still be dying-"

"Maybe it would have been better. You could have been the leader of Voltron fine without me. You all would have gotten on just fine." Shiro said. Keith paled.

"Shiro... Shiro no! We wouldn't be who we are today without you. I would have NEVER been able to do this four years ago. You're the glue that's held our team together for so long, and I know that part of you knows that." Keith said.

"Why do I feel like you're just saying that?" Shiro asked quietly.

"You've never really believed any of the compliments that anyone's ever given you. Seriously though, why would I lie to you? You're like the brother that I never had and never really knew I wanted." Keith replied. Shiro smiled a small sad smile.

"I know you wouldn't lie to me, Keith, and I need you to know that you did good piloting black while I was gone." He said. Keith sighed.

"I was never as good as you. More than once, I feel like I put the team in danger for my own selfish reasons..." Keith frowned as he looked down.

"Maybe, but I'm proud of you. Your dad would have been proud of you... Adam never said it, but I know that he was proud of you..." Shiro sighed. Keith hugged him softly. 

"Thank you, Shiro..." Keith murmured. Shiro smiled a little bit wider.

"Hey, remember when Adam and I had to come bail you out because you got caught trying to sneak into one of the faster ships?" He laughed. Keith laughed a bit.

"How could I forget it? Adam was fuming, and you had to sleep on the couch for three days because you said that I did good!" Keith said. Shiro chuckled.

"All three nights, he would sneak out and cuddle up at my side on the couch," Shiro said.

"Oh, remember when Adam and I had to call help cos' you started a huge fire in the kitchen?"

"Be more specific Keith, which time?"

"Which time was Adam the angriest?" 

"The time we tried to make fried gyoza, definitely that time."

"Hmm, do you remember the time we tried to get Adam to go hovercycle riding with us?"

"Oh the inuendos!" 

"I understood all of them, you know that, right?" Keith asked. The two of them doubled over laughing for a bit till Shiro sighed.

"I've been... doing a fair amount of remembering lately..." Shiro said. His face was set in a deep frown, deeper than before, almost haunting.

"Is the guilt really that bad?..." Keith whispered, putting a hand on Shiro's shoulder. Shiro nodded a bit.

"Yes... The guilt does hurt, but it's not just that... There are certain things that I just can't remember... I can remember big things like whole memories, but it's the little things that are starting to slip away..." Shiro replied.

"What... what do you mean?" Keith inquired. Shiro shrugged.

"I just... can't remember them... sometimes it's little things like how I can't remember what color tie I was wearing when I proposed to Adam... Sometimes it's big things like I've forgotten a few battles that we've faught with the team... Everytime I try to remember them, I just... it either goes fuzzy or I get flashes of my time in the galra ships... The small things are fuzzier but the big things... that's when stuff starts to go haywire..." Shiro said.

"Well... maybe it's just a result of being out here and fighting so long. I'm sure you'll get your memories back eventually. Even if you don't, it won't change how the team or the people you care about see you. You got us behind you, you got Coran, Allura, Hell as much as I don't like Lotor, you've even got him!" Keith exclaimed. Shiro sighed.

"Thanks Keith... It means a lot... when did you get so wise?"

"Guess that's what being a temporary team leader does to you... besides... I learned from the best... Anyway, it's late, we should probably get back to our boyfriends."

"Yeah, probably..."

"G'night Shiro"

"G'night, little brother."


	17. The voices in his head

The next morning, the whole castle ship was dead silent. Not even the mice made a single squeak. Before breakfast, Shiro was approached by a pink haired girl with a sad look in her eyes. It was Jynx.

"Shiro... I know you feel guilty, but he wouldn't want you to beat yourself up over this. None of us are angry at you, none of us blame you." She said. Shiro didn't reply. Jynx sighed and pressed a small onyx pendant into his hand. "This was his... he would want you to have it..." She hugged him before going off to the dining room. Shiro sat down, staring at the pendant sadly. Keith noticed Shiro's absence at the breakfast table and sighed. Lance put a hand on his shoulder.

"I'll go talk to him, babe, it'll be okay." Said the blue paladin. He kissed Keith's cheek and went out to Shiro. The older man was sitting alone and staring at the pendant in his hands intensely. A cold sweat dripped down his face.

'It's your fault that he's dead. Amend your mistake. I can fix him, and make him better than before. Bring him to me and with your beloved. You can live happily again.

"Shiro? Shiro are you all right?" Lance asked. Shiro looked up quickly when Lance put a hand on his shoulder.

"Me? Oh, yeah m' fine. Just..." Shiro started. He looked at Lance for a moment and his eyes fell. Lance sighed and sat at his side.

"You're thinking about him?..."

"You can... say that... I just... maybe some way I can make amends for all the ways that I hurt him..." 

"Shiro... He forgave you a long time ago." Lance said. Shiro wouldn't meet his eyes, not for a single moment. Whenever he looked over at Lance, all he saw was the ghostly image of Adam standing over him, watching him, caring for him. He saw that sweet smile, those bright eyes, that fluffy hair all tainted and twisted and marred by a fog of loss. 

'You can have him back, Shiro, just bring his body to me'

"I know he did Lance, but that doesn't mean that I don't feel guilty. A good fiance doesn't just let the person that they loved die like that. Any intelligent person could tell you that. Course, no wonder you can't get it." Shiro snapped. Lance flinched at the vitriolic tone is his voice. Shiro sighed shakily and hid his face in his hands, instantly regretting his venomous tone. 

"You seem to forget that I'm hurting too." Lance said flatly. "He was like my brother after all." Shiro bit his lower lip. The tension between the m was so thick that you could cut it with a knife. Minutes passed. 

"Lance I'm sorry... you know that I didn't mean it like that... I'm just so lost right now... so lost..." Shiro muttered. Lance looked over at him with commiserating eyes. He pulled his hero into a soft hug. The blue paladin's heart ached as he could practically feel the sorrow dripping from Shiro like the sweat. 

"You really are a lot like Keith, you know. I love him, I really do, but when he's hurting he pushes people away... That's what you're doing right now. We can help you. Just let us... You're scaring Lotor and Keith right now. They don't know what's going on with you, and they care about you... so so so much... They want to help you. We all want to help you if you'll just let us in." Lance said.

'If you let them in, You will kill them like you killed Adam'

"Lance, I can't... not right now at least..." Shiro said softly. Tears were falling down his face in tandem with more sweat. 

"Why not? Shiro please." Lance begged.

'They can't save you. Bring me the dead one and the galra prince and I can save you.'

 

"Tell Keith and Lotor I'll be fine, I just need some alone time." Shiro said. He tugged his arm out of Lance's grip and rushed to his room. He loked the door and fell to his knees. "Who are you?..."

'Oh, you'll find out, black paladin, but for now, I'm just a voice in your head'


	18. The nightmares are riding

That whole day, Shiro avoided the team. He felt like they could hear the voices too, and though he thought that he could escape them in sleep... he couldn't be more wrong. As soon as he closed his eyes, he was on the galra ship surrounded by the druids. His prosthetic arm was twitching and spasming wildly as violet sparks flew from it. Suddenly, the druids parted and Hagar stepped forward. She smiling.

"I knew you wouldn't fail me, Shiro. Now because of you, Zarkon has Voltron and I- well, I have a new pet." She said. Shiro struggled.

"No! You're lying, Voltron is still in the castle of lions in the Plactherian system, we are lightyears away from you!" Shiro cried. Haggar chuckled. Darkly. She stepped aside to show the other paladins all strapped to tables like his own. Keith was in his full galra form, but it was clear that the druids had been mistreating him. He was almost skeletal and patches of violet fur were missing, in their place red bloody whelps. Lance was too his left, completely stripped of any clothes or armor. His bare body was covered in cuts of varying sizes, but what was most sickening was, his mouth was sewn shut with thick thread, the puncture wounds still fresh. Beside him was Hunk, drained and pale clearly having had the quintessence sucked out of him. Lastly, there was Pidge. She had half her face replaced by a bionic piece and one of her legs was missing. She was the only one who was awake, and tears were streaming down her face.

"Shiro... Shiro, how could you? Why would you bring us here?... I trusted you... We trusted you... Lance idolized you... Keith saw you as family... wh-..." She whimpered as a galra struck her across the face. Shiro was crying as well now, struggling more.

"Please, please no! They don't deserve this, please let them go!" He cried. "Oh Quiznac... Where are Corran and Allura!?"

"Oh, the Alteans are being used for their quintessence. The blue one there is lucky he's only one fourth, any more and we would have had our way with him." Replied the witch. 

"W-where's Lotor?..." He asked, terrified for the life of his lover.

"A simple answer. My son is with my new pet, and they are happier than he ever was with you." Hagar said. Shiro felt his heart break. It finally shattered when he saw Lotor in the hall, kissing another man... He was kissing... Adam?... "I told you I could bring him back. Looks like you only needed a little push to bring him in the right direction."

"No... no... Even if you did bring him back, A-Adam and Lotor would never... I-I..." Shiro stammered.

"Wouldn't they? Besides, Don't you agree that this is better for them both? They can be happier now, free. It was why you left wasn't it? Too set that Adam boy free?" Hagar asked. Shiro couldn't reply. Tears were coming in rivers as he watched them. He looked between the faces of the couple. Adam was grinning, a smile full of love and deep deep devotion. A smile that 

Shiro hadn't seen... since they were together... A smile... that he had chased away... And Lotor... He was dressed in the royal armor of the galra empire. He looked like the king that he was meant to be, and most of all... he looked happy. Shiro felt like he couldn't speak. Suddenly, he jolted awake on a couch in the rec room, and he was back in the castle. It was dark, and he was walking around. It seemed like nothing had changed. Outside the glass, he could clearly see the beautiful crystalline planets of the Plactherian system shining brightly around him. He sighed in relief and began walking to his room. The soft blue light of the castle cast an almost eerie light over everything. Before he went to his room, he decided to stop over at the room where Adam's body was being kept. There, Adam's body lay in one of the cryosleep chambers to preserve it. Deep brown eyes were shut ever so slightly giving the illusion of sleep. The only sighn that Adam was really gone was how still he was. Shiro sighed and went to press his hand against the cold glass. He felt nothing... odd... He sighed softly and lingered there for a moment. 

"Adam, I'm so sorry..." He whispered. He could almost feel the ghost of a touch on his shoulder. Suddenly, the chamber opened, and Adam fell out. Shiro gaped and caught him. The younger man groaned weakly and looked up with oddly dull eyes.

"T-Takashi?... You're... alive?..." Adam asked. He hugged Shiro tight as he broke down sobbing. Shiro was frozen, his eyes wide as he trembled.

"This... this isn't possible... You're dead..." Shiro said. Adam took Shiro's hands and made him cup his cheeks. Shiro teared up as he felt warmth under his fingertips.

"Do I look dead to you, Takashi?" He asked. Shiro shook his head, and despite himself, he leaned down and met Adam's lips in a soft, chaste kiss. The younger kissed back immediately, smiling. 

"I-I am so sorry Adam, I thought, I- Oh, I'm so happy to have you back. I still love you, I do! I'll ask Lotor if we can try to work something out, I-I," Shiro began rambling, but he didn't miss how Adam smiled lovingly. Behind them came Lotor's soft, smooth voice as he came over.

"If having us both will make you truly happy my love, so will it be, but you must do one thing for us," Lotor said. Shiro took his hand eagerly.

"What is it? I'll do anything, I promise!" He exclaimed.

"Bring us to Hagar, and you can have this, you can have us." Lotor finished.

"Yes, we can be happy again like we always wanted, remember?" Adam added.

"You can end all of this fighting. You both will rule by my side, and we will have a grand wedding, the three of us. No more fighting, no more war, just us living happily. You want that don't you?" Lotor asked. Shiro swallowed thickly.

"I do but-" The black paladin was cut off by the two other men.

"Bring us to the witch." They both said. "Bring us to the witch. Bring us to the witch. Bring us to the witch. BRING US TO THE WITCH." The two of them converged on Shiro as their eyes began to glow violet. Shiro's hand began to glitch out, twitching and sparking, and suddenly, he heard his own voice joining into the chant "Bring us to the witch. Bring us to the witch." Over and over like a mantra it went. Shiro tried his hardest not to scream. A purple hand grabbed his shoulder, and the black paladin spun around. There behind him stood Hagar, grinning evilly. 

"I know where you are, Black paladin. Give in. Come to me." She said. Shiro screamed, and suddenly jolted up in bed. He was panting wildly, in a cold sweat. Beside him, Lotor groaned and shifted to look at him, eyes full of concern. 

"Darling, what's the matter?" He asked softly. 

"I-I..." Shiro could barely speak. Lotor sat up and put a hand on his boyfriend's shoulder. Still nothing.

"Shiro?... My love, please... What's wrong?..." Asked the prince. Before Shiro could reply, the ship's sirens started blaring wildly...

 

 

 

 

The galra fleet had arrived.


	19. Run away, run away

Shiro's eyes narrowed as he got up and got changed into his paladin armor. "Stay here, I need to go." Shiro said quickly. Lotor frowned.

"You're not going out there again, not after the last time! Dhelnix is with them, he'll be going after you!" Protested the prince. Shiro took his hands. 

"I'll be fine, trust me. please. I need you to trust me." Shiro said. Lotor didn't argue and watched as his boyfriend went out to the bridge to join the rest of the team. Allura was almost livid as she saw the galra ships.

"We had the castle cloaked, they can't have found us!" She cried. 

"We don't have time to think about the how of it all now. We need to get out of here. Can we wormhole out of here?" Shiro asked. Allura nodded.

"We can, but it may be dangerous. They might follow us through." Allura replied. In the end, however, she wormholed them out of the system to a far away galaxy. It was a quiet, desolate place filled with dead or dying planets. The galra had clearly already been there. Allura hid the castle on one of the dead planets. The whole team breathed a sigh of relief. Keith looked over at Shiro and frowned a bit. The older man seemed on edge, gripping his control panel oddly tight, fear and anxiety emanating from him. Keith went over to him. 

"Are you okay?" He asked softly. Shiro nodded quickly, loosening his grip to tap on the panel.

"Yeah... yeah, I'm fine... y'know, I think I'll just help get everything settled and then take Black out for a fly... I need to clear my head a bit." Shiro replied. The black paladin got up and went to go help Coran with something. Keith's worry intensified when he noticed Shiro wince and hold his head.

'You can't hide forever, black paladin, I can still see you. Those broken planets hide nothing' 

Shiro shook his head a bit before going to Black's hanger. Within a few moments, he was in his lion, soaring through the tattered system. He could finally crack a smile as black nimbly dodged the odd stray chunk of a planet or the occasional off course comet. Zipping through the vast void of space, he could almost imagine himself back on Earth, smiling and laughing as he raced Keith on the hoverbikes. He could hear the distant ringing of an all too familiar laugh at the back of his mind that made his heart clench, and his eyes fill with tears. Every now and then, Black would flash old, old memories through Shiro's mind of back with the paladins of old. He showed Shiro distant, faded memories of a time when Zarkon used to fly through the vastness of space, laughing and racing his fellow paladins in their downtimes. Shiro couldn't help but smile at the memories of peace and joy. He laughed at the images of a young fairer Zarkon as he joked with Blaytz about failed attempts at romance before the former blue paladin had finally found love with the young galra servant. 

"What is it with Blue chosing the trickster flirt type?" Shiro asked. He smiled at the small rumbling purr that Black gave. They flew around for a few more hours, exchanging memories. Shiro was content with just flying around in his lion until-

'Those days are gone, black paladin, and soon your days of joy will end as well.' 

Shiro grit his teeth and gripped the controls so tight that his knuckles began to turn white. 

"Sorry Black, looks like our fly around's gotta be cut short." He said. With that, he turned around and flew back to the castle. When he got back, everyone was already having dinner in the dining hall. He put on a brave face and went to join them, taking his place beside Lotor. 

"How was your flight, love?" Lotor questioned, taking his boyfriend's hand. Shiro smiled a bit.

"It was... nice... calming... gave me a lot of time to bound with my lion. Black... he... he showed me things... memories mostly. Helped me clear my head." Shiro replied. At the mention of memories, Allura turned her attention to him.

"Memories, what sort?" She asked. Shiro chuckled softly.

"A lot of memories of Zarkon and the other old paladins. Happy ones mostly." Shiro said before turning to Lotor, "Your father really was something when he was kinder." Lotor smiled sadly, a wistful look in his eyes. Allura chuckled. 

"Truly he was, my father used to tell me things of what Zarkon used to be like. Father's favorite stories were always Zarkon's failed attempts to charm your mother. Why, apparently, it took pheobes for him to persuade her to spend time with him let alone let him court her." Said the princess. Lotor bit his lower lip to stifle a laugh. Shiro smiled at the adorable gesture. 

"Better than Lance has ever done!" Pidge teased. 

"You're just bitter cos' you're single while I've got my kitten over here." Lance retorted, leaning over to kiss Keith's cheek. Everyone let out a laugh, but it was cut short by the sound of blasters. Shiro glared up at were the sound was coming from. 

"Everyone to the bridge, we need to get out of here!" He ordered. The team scrambled to get to the bridge. Sure enough, there was the galra cruiser. Just as the galra were charging up their ion cannon, Allura wormholed the castle out of harm's way. For weeks the pattern continued. Lotor, Keith, and Lin began to worry as Shiro began sleeping less and less. The three of them thought that it was to keep watch over the castle, but none of them could see the real the reason. How could they? After all, Shiro was the only one hearing the distant sneering voice in the back of his head. He was the only one who saw visions of his team being tortured and used every single time he closed his eyes. He was the only one who night after night would be trapped in a sick fantasy of him and his two beloveds. He was the only one who was going crazy... wasn't he?... It got to the point where Shiro wouldn't leave his room. Lotor tried his best to coax him out to so much as eat just a bite of food, but nothing worked. It broke the prince's heart, but still, there Shiro sat on the bed. The black paladin was a shell of the man who he used to be, curled in a trembling ball as his eyes darted around the room. 

"They found us... through me..."


	20. Of sight and of wings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fair warning, the end of this chapter gets pretty bloody.

Shiro stared down at his trembling hands with wide silver eyes. There was a sort of terror almost behind his gaze. He was knocked out of his trance by a soft rapping on his door.

"Shiro buddy, can I come in?" Lance asked reluctantly. For almost a full minute it was just silence. Lance sighed and turned to leave when suddenly, the door slid open. Shiro stood there, eyes darting around.

"What do you want, Lance?" He asked. The younger paladin sighed.

"I just came to check on you, I-"

"I'm fine, now can I be left alone?"

"Shiro... you need to come out at least to eat. The team hasn't seen you in months. Lotor is worried sick."

"He can come to see me if he wants. He knows the code for my room."

"You're scaring Keith."

"I am a grown man, Lance, he shouldn't be worrying about me. Tell him to just mind his own business."

"He's your brother, Shiro, how can he not be worried about you?"

"I don't know, how about the same way that you're not worried about your siblings. Or wait, have you been so happy with your precious boyfriend that you've forgotten that you have family on Earth?" Shiro sneered suddenly. Lance froze. He felt his eyes stinging, but he held back any tears. 

"For your information, Shiro, I NEVER stopped worrying about my family. Unlike you, I still care about the people that I leave behind." Lance said. He stormed off in a huff. Lin frowned, passing him and going into Shiro's room.

"Hey..." She said softly. The paladin didn't reply. Lin sighed and went over, sitting by him. "Allura said that we're going to try to find Adam a new body... Shiro, we're bringing him back."

"He wouldn't be dead if it weren't for me... Just... just take my body... he deserves it more." Shiro replied. Lin sighed, almost in exasperation.

"If we do that, he might just end up killing himself from the guilt of it all! He loved you, Shiro. LOVED you..." Lin argued.

"And that's what killed him! He died because of me, and now that he's gone, I want him back. I know he'll never agree, but I can't choose between him and Lotor and... and..."

"Just talk to him. This is Adam we're talking about. I'm sure he'll be able to make a compromise for you... he was just like that..." Lin sighed. Shiro smiled longingly.

"He really was..."

"Lotor wants you to come with us. We're going to a planet close to here to find Adam a new body... it won't be human but..."

"It'll still be Adam..." Shiro finished with a soft smile. Lin nodded a bit. "Just... give me a moment, okay? Tell Lo and Keith that I'll be down in a bit. Lin nodded. Before she left, she ran to Shiro and gave him a tight comforting hug. He didn't hug back. The cadet sighed and pulled away and left. Not once during their conversation had Shiro even cast her a single glance. As soon as he was alone, Shiro took a shaky breath. He groaned and ferociously rubbed at his eyes till his vision was blurry. When he was satisfied, he got up and went out to join the others. 

"I missed you." Lotor sighed as he rushed over to hug his boyfriend. Shiro smiled and held the blob of purple and white in front of him close. 

"Missed you too, love... a lot... m' sorry about scaring you." Shiro replied. He kissed him quickly before going over to Lance and Kith. In a blur of red, Keith hugged him tight. Lance lingered back, still upset. Jynx was at his side, quiet. Shiro looked over at the two of them. Lance sighed.

"I know what you're going to say, and I forgive you," Lance said. He went over and hugged Shiro. Once the two men separated, They all descended down the castle's strange elevator down, down to the crystalline planet below them. As soon as they exited, Allura was approached by a tall being. 

"Princess Allura, to what do we owe the pleasure?" Asked the man. he bowed respectively and took her hand in his own and kissed it. 

"Ah, King Zolaris, it is good to see a familiar face." Allura replied. The king smiled sweetly, his golden eyes almost glowing. "If only we were here on better conditions."

"There is no need. With how much your father helped my people I am always willing to give what I must in order to aide the Voltron coalition. Come, we can discuss matters over dinner." Zolaris replied. With that, he spread his arms to reveal a pair of beautiful bronze wings. With a single beat, he was soaring off to his palace. Lin brought them a pod, and soon the team was following. Before long, they were all seated at a dining table. Every now and then, Shiro would viciously rub his eyes till his vision blurred. Keith frowned.

"Shiro, you okay?" He asked.

"Y-yes I'm fine... just... allergic to the feathers I think." He mumbled. Servants quickly came and set full platters of an odd fish before the team. 

"Please eat. It would be quite rude of me not to have my guests attended to." Zolaris said. He looked almost wearily at Zarkon who sat beside Shiro. "So, to what do the royal halls of the Xalimi owe the pleasure of host to the heirs of the altean and galran thrones?"

"We need one of your people," Lotor said. "To be the host for a brave soul."

"One of my own? Prince Lotor, I am sorry but I cannot simply give up one of my own people. We are not exactly friendly towards the galra. Not after what they did to my son." Zolaris said coldly.

"With all do respect, your heighness, Lotor is nothing like his father. He doesn't want to harm any innocent." Shiro interjected. The king's narrow gaze fell on the taller man.

"Than what, may I ask, do you desire one of my own for?" Zolaris sneered.

"I'm begging you, kind sir," Shiro started, "We just need a body to be a suitable host for a young man who was taken too soon, a brave man who deserves a second chance." 

"And... will my kingdom earn anything in return?" The king inquired.

"Protection... protection, and loyalty from the Voltron coalition. Please... Lotor understands what you're plithe and just wants what you want... peace and safety for the kingdom that you rule. We can give you that if you will just give us a host for the man that we love." Shiro said. Zolaris sighed.

"I am sorry, black paladin, but I cannot do what you wish... My people are dwindling on the brink of extinction. I cannot give even one of them, and the only body preserved enough to give is..." the king choked back a sob. Shiro felt his heartache. 

"Your Highness... We can give your son new life... at least his body... please... I-" Shiro looked away as his voice broke. Zolaris sighed. 

"Come..." He took Shiro's hand and lead him through a series of winding passageways to a small room. There, in the center of the room lay the body of a young man, only just barely younger than Shiro himself, encased in a coffin of pure amethyst. Beautiful grey-green wings enveloped the corpse giving it an almost angelic look. With a single touch from Zolaris, the lid dissolved. "Take him... I can feel your desperation and your guilt. Take him, and make amends for what wrongs you may have done to your mate. Just please... do not let him fall into the hands of the galra." Shiro nodded a bit. Gently, he scooped the body into his arms. The young prince had been beautiful, but Shiro guessed that he only thought that with what striking of a resemblance the boy held to Adam. Shiro smiled.

"Thank you, your highness, really... You don't know how much this really means to me." The black paladin quickly rejoined his team. He froze as soon as they exited the palace. The fields of the kingdom were all ablaze as Xalimi farmers tried to quench the fire. A galra ship was speeding away from the planet. Shiro cried out in anger, handing the prince to Lotor before getting into the pod and racing after the galra. Before he could fire any lazers, however, the small fighter sped off in hyperspeed. When he got back to the others, Lance had just finished putting out the fires with blue. Still, the field was decimated leaving all the crops scorched. Shiro teared up as guilt overtook him. It was only when his eyes started blurring with tears that Shiro noticed that his vision had cleared. Zolaris went to him and put a hand on his shoulder.

"Black paladin, you really have no reason at all to fret. We can rebuild, our planet has more than enough arable land. You couldn't have known that-" He was cut off by a stangled gasp from Shiro. The paladin all but tore away from his grasp and rushed off to the castle. Soon, Shiro was sealed in his room again, his knees pulled to his chest and his eyes wide and stairing.

"They found us because of me... They saw us through me... They attacked them because of me..." Shrio kept muttering under his breath. His eyes darted around the room till they landed on a small knife resting on the bedside table. Shiro grit his teeth and dug the thumb of his metals arm into his eye. Keith and Lotor rushed to the room, hearing his guttural screams. When the door opened, Keith let out a cry of shock. A trembling Shiro sat on the floor bed his bed. His hands and the small knife were coated in deep crimson, and where the black paladin's eyes once gazed out were two bloody pits.


	21. What eyes can't see

Keith backed away in shock. "Shiro, what have you done to yourself?" He cried. Shiro looked up at him, tears mingling with the blood the dripped down his cheeks.

"The witch... she was seeing us... through my eyes... I put the team in danger... I put you in danger, I-I had to before she..." Shiro whimpered. Lance and Keith exchanged an almost scared look between the two of them. Keith was about to say more when Lotor suddenly pushed them aside and knelt beside the black paladin.

"My love, we could have fought her, we-" He started.

"I wasn't about to put you in danger again, Lotor. I wasn't going to end up killing you like I did the other love of my life. I'm not going to lose you too!" Shiro cried. He broke down, hiding his face in his hands. "I still love him... I still love him... I still love him and I killed him... I can't lose you too... I just can't..." He sobbed. Jynx looked at Shiro sympathetically and went over to him, hugging him softly. 

"Allura's working on bringing him back, you know... He loved you till the very end, and I'm sure he'll still love you if you just give him some time." She said. Shiro was taken aback. 

"You... you're talking to me again..." He mumbled a bit. 

"Look, I know when someone needs comfort; you don't have to be so strong all the time. It's okay to be... to be weak... Adam always reminded me of that..." She replied. Shiro smiled weakly and shook his head.

"He was always one to say things like that..." He said softly. He looked up when Lotor gently grabbed his hand softly.

"Shiro, if you want to have him back as your lover, please just say so. I am willing to give up anything for your happiness, and if it means this-"Lotor started.

"No!" Shiro yelled, "Please no. I am not going to make the same mistake twice. Please... that is how I lost Adam... just because I love him doesn't mean that I don't love you. I mean... I really do love you... heart and soul... I know that you don't feel the way Adam, but... if you'll give him a chance... maybe..." Lotor sighed softly.

"We can talk about that later, all right?... We really should get you cleaned up first." With gentle hands, the prince took Shiro to the bathroom and cleaned him off. In the bedroom, Keith was frozen, staring at the still warm blood on the floor. Lance gently took his arm.

"C'mon... You look like you're about to pass out on me, you should sit down." He said. Lance gently lead Keith out to the hall where the red paladin collapsed. Lance caught him and rushed him to the medical ward. Lotor gently lead Shiro to the dining room, a look of concern on his face.

"Darling, you're thin as a stick. When's the last time you ate something?" He asked quietly. Shiro shook his head.

"Few weeks give or take... I don't... I don't remember..." Shiro replied. Lotor sighed and put a plate of food goo in front of him. 

"Here... You need to regain your strength..." He said softly. Shiro groped around for the spoon. Once he found it, he began to eat in silence. The prince held his free hand, gently rubbing his knuckles. "Do you want to talk about it now?... Our relationship I mean." Shiro shook his head.

"Tonight maybe, but for now... I just... I just want to rest... I'm tired..." Shiro replied. Lotor nodded understandingly. 

"Of course love, here... for a dreamless sleep." he took a small vial out of his pocket and uncorked it, placing it into Shiro's hand. The liquid inside it glowed a strange green color, almost mesmerizingly. Shiro downed it all in one gulp and finished the food goo in front of him. 

"Thanks... Can you... take me to the guest room?... I kind of made a mess in our bedroom with all the blood and-" As soon as he got up, Shiro almost passed out, feeling horribly exhausted. Lotor lovingly scooped him into his arms.

"Say no more," Lotor said sweetly. He carried Shiro to the guest room, smiling as the black paladin fell asleep in his arms. "Hmmm, cute." He laid Shiro down and left the room. He let his feet carry him to where Allura and Adam where. Adam was in the body of the old Xalimi prince, but he was still unconcious. Allura looked up as soon as she heard Lotor come in.

"Oh, hello Lotor. Where is Shiro? Is he all right?" She asked. Lotor nodded softly.

"He's all right, jsut resting now... How is Adam doing?" Lotor questioned.

"He is... fine... He hasn't woken up yet, so I don't know how how he'll take to his new body, but we'll see in a few days." Allura said. Lotor smiled a bit.

"Perfect, that gives me jsut enough time to discuss my relationship with Shiro." 

"Perhaps now isn't the best time. He is hurting after all. You wouldn't want to make things worse." 

"I won't. He is the one who asked to discuss our relationship." Lotor said as he went over to Adam. He smirked a bit. The Xalimi prince that he was inhabiting had soft brown hair and gleaming green feathers that shone under the castle's light. "Hmm, not too bad, I must say." Allura looked apprehensively at Lotor. He put his hands up in a sign of defeat. That night, Lotor was sitting by Shiro, playing with the black paladin's hair. 

"So... about you and I.." Shiro sighed.

"I am willing to try whatever you want, hun, just tell me." Lotor said. "It wouldn't be the first time that A galra leader had two mates, and if that's what you want-"

"Only if you want to, okay? I need you AND him to be in agreement on this before we try anything." 

"But of course. I agree, but I wouldn't want to scare Adam. He has been through a lot, and the sudden switch of bodies may frighten him." Lotor said soothingly. Shiro nodded softly. "Goodnight my love." 

"Goodnight, Lo..." Shiro replied before drifting off to sleep. As soon as Shiro was out, Lotor got up and slipped away. He went to the room where Adam was. The other man was awake. He was huddled in the corner of the room with his wings wrapped firmly around himself. Lotor carefully went to him.

"Adam... are you all right?" He asked softly, kneeling in front of him. Adam's wings parted, revealing big, tear-filled copper eyes.

"What am I?..." He asked shakily. Lotor cupped his cheek softly.

"You are a beautiful creature. You've been reborn as a Xalimi." Lotor said softly. He carefully ran a finger over Adam's lip, smiling as he saw sharp white teeth just peeking out. "I've seen many like you in my time, but none so beautiful." He leaned in to kiss him, but Adam shoved him away.

"What are you trying to do? Get off of me! You know that my heart still belongs to Takashi, and from what I've seen, yours should too." Adam said. He looked away as more tears lept to his eyes. Carefully, Lotor cupped his cheek again, stroking the soft down that was there.

"Now now, it's okay. I'm not trying to do anything, I promise. I wouldn't, not while my boyfriend is asleep just a few rooms down." Replied the prince. Adam froze.

"Takashi is... alive?" He questioned hopefully. 

"Yes... yes he is, but I'm afraid that he's gravely ill," Lotor said. "However, you must know that what you are now has extraordinary healing powers."

"How do I access them?" Adam asked quickly.

"Just take a sip, and I'll show you." Lotor smiled as he produced a small glass vial from his pocket. Adam took it and drank it without question before everything went dark.


	22. Who are you?

Days passed. As far as Shiro knew, Adam hadn't woken up yet. Lotor was always by his boyfriend's side, helping him wherever needed.

"Lo, this is just a meeting with the other resistance leaders. You've done so much to me; you deserve to rest." Shiro sighed. Lotor frowned.

"I am as much a leader as you are, Shiro, I should be there." He retorted. Shiro sighed. 

"I know that you want to help for the sake of your people, but I need my space. If I make a fool of myself due to my handicap, it's my own fault." Shiro replied. "I don't need to be treated like a child." Lotor huffed.

"I will stay out of your way, but I will be at that meeting whether you like it or not." Lotor huffed. The black paladin reluctantly nodded and made his way to the meeting room. Every now and then, he would stumble over his own feet or take the wrong turn, but eventually, he made it there. Allura cast him an almost sad look.

"There you are, we were all waiting on you." She scolded. Shiro sighed a bit.

"I'm sorry, princess, I may have um... gotten a little lost..." He apologized. 

"Why didn't you get Lotor to help you out? Surely he would have been more than willing to." Allura huffed. Zolaris frowned a bit.

"Now now, let him alone. We still have time to discuss whatever is needed." Said the king. Shiro couldn't help but smile gratefully.

"King Zolaris is right, there's been no delay. Besides, I think we may need some input from Voltron's leader." Kolivan added. 

"It would be in the best interest for all of our people if team Voltron would be on a high alert." Zolaris said, "A galra fleet just passed through one of our neighboring systems"

"Why should you worry? The galra have passed your people by without harming them before. Why would they start now?" Asked the leader of the Tarjeerians.

"The galra did not know that my people were there. For eons, we hid in the shadows, and I am not about to let that happen again." Zolaris snapped.

"Even if the galra do not attack the Xalimi, a movement of their fleet is still something to keep an eye on." Shiro said. "Is there anything you know about this fleet, Zolaris?" 

"It was a very small one, probably one used for stealth. It was headed by one of Zarkon's admirals, but I couldn't see which one." Zolaris said. There was muttering from all the other leaders. Shiro frowned, remembering the last time he had come face to face with a galra admiral.

"I'll have Pidge get a tracker on the fleet to keep an eye on it's movements. It could probably help if the blade could get a spy on the inside with that. It would help to know just who we're dealing with." Shiro said calmly. Kolivan hummed and nodded a bit.

"Track the fleet, and I can see what I can do by way of getting one of us aboard." He replied. Shiro nodded.

"If I may, perhaps if we do track the ship, we could have another meeting to plan a course of action," Lotor interjected. " The last time-"

"We won't have to worry about something like the last time happening again." Shiro cut him off. "With any luck, we won't even have to leave our lions." Lotor was about to say something but he stopped. 

"Ah, it seems that I'll have to cut my presence at this meeting a bit short. There is something that needs my attention." Said the prince. Shiro frowned a bit. Before the black paladin could say any more, Lotor kissed his cheek and left. Shiro sighed and turned his attention back to the others.

"My hope is that my team won't have to leave our lions, but Lotor's right. There should be a plan of attack." Shiro sighed.

"And we will formulate one once we have more information on this fleet," Kolivan said.

"Indeed, the cruiser that headed it was extraordinarily fortified, we would need some more intel on it. I will assist in any way possible." Zolaris added. Just before Shiro was about to say more, Lin bolted in.

"Shiro, Adam's awake!" She cried. The black paladin turned to her, eyes wide in shock. 

"How is he? Is he taking to his new body? is he-" Shiro rambled before he was cut off by Zolaris.

"Go see your mate." Said the king with a soft smile, "This briefing is all but concluded anyway." Before Shiro could protest, Lin grabbed Shiro's arm and all but dragged him to Adam's room. Adam was sitting on his bed, preening his feathers. He looked up and smiled softly as soon as he heard Shiro come in.

"Takashi, finally!" Adam exclaimed. He got up and went over to his ex-lover. He tried to pull Shiro into a kiss, but the black paladin stopped him.

"Hey, hey, Adam... I... you have no idea how happy I am to have you back but... I can't take you back like this, I... I can't cheat you like this..." Shiro said. Adam's warm smile stayed in place.

"Oh don't worry dear, I'd be happy to have a relationship with both you and Lotor." Adam chirped. 

"You... you know about that?..." Shiro asked, biting his lip.

"Of course. Lotor himself told me." Adam replied. "Of course I said yes, after all, all I want is to make you happy." Shiro frowned.

"Adam... you trying to make me happy is what killed you in the first place..." Shiro whispered. Adam huffed and took his hand.

"Don't worry my love, you won't lose me again. Not like this. We'll all be happy, you me and Lotor. All happy." Adam giggled. Lin's eyes narrowed as she backed away. Adam leaned in and kissed Shiro softly. Shiro happily leaned into the kiss no more the wiser.


	23. Something is awry

Later that day, the team was all seated in the little rec room. Adam was leaning on Shiro as Lotor ran his fingers through the shorter male's wings. Shiro chuckled softly.

"You two are distracting me; I need to go work," Shiro said. Adam grabbed onto his arm. 

"Just take a little while off. I'm sure Katie's got things covered with the tracking for now." He said, "You never take any time for yourself; it's always been like that." Adam huffed, cuddling more into the taller man. Pidge looked up from her computer and rolled her eyes.

"Oh ugh, get a room you three. You're worse than Matt!" She cried. Shiro looked at her, confused.

"Matt actually got a girlfriend?" He asked. 

"Yeah, one that he built!" Pidge laughed. Suddenly, Shiro froze as a feeling like an icy wind, strong and sure, blew through him. He took a shaky breath. Lotor frowned a bit.

"Is something wrong, love?" He asked. Shiro shook his head.

"Nothing... nothing... You don't worry about me, okay? Why don't you and Adam spend some time together, hmm?" Shiro replied. Lotor raised an eyebrow. 

"No working, Shiro, you promised you'd rest." Said the prince.

"Yeah! C'mon Takashi, I finally get you back, and now you're too busy to spend some time with me?" Adam whined, pouting. Shiro huffed softly.

"M' not too busy... I just... need to go out on a fly in Black. I'll be back soon, I promise; I-"

"You can't see! You can't possibly be thinking of flying without your eyesight. Please at least let one of us go with you. I don't want you getting hurt." Argued the galran prince. Shiro frowned and got up quickly.

"Lotor, I'm fine." Shiro huffed. Adam grabbed his wrist.

"Kashi' please..." He whimpered. The black paladin sighed. He was reluctant but kissed Adam's forehead softly.

"I'll be okay Ad... I'll see you when I get back." Shiro said. Lance smiled softly.

"Adam, he'll be fine... We all know Shiro. He's an extremely capable flyer, and with Black around him, he'll be safe." Lance said. Shiro smiled softly at his team mate's attempt to help him. Adam frowned deeply.

"Oh of course, anyone would be a better pilot than you." Adam said nonchalantly. Lance froze, the words an ice pick to his heart. He couldn't say a word. Keith quickly went and wrapped his arms around his boyfriend. Shiro looked over at them, tight-lipped.

"Keith, why don't you take Lance around on red? You two have been working very hard since we got back out here, and I think you deserve some RNR." Shiro said. The red paladin nodded and followed the older man to the hanger.

"What's wrong with Adam? Did the hanahaki really do that much of a number on him?" He inquired. Shiro shook his head a bit.

"I don't know... but please don't be too hard on him. I mean.. he's probably in a state of shock. What would you do if you all of a sudden came back from the dead?" Shiro said softly. Lance clenched his fists.

"I know that that I wouldn't insult someone who looks up to me." Lance said, " I should know. I came back from the dead... It was shocking, I won't deny that, but I would never talk to someone who I thought of as family like that." The blue paladin's voice was sharp and icy as tears gathered in his eyes. Shiro stopped and turned back to Lance. 

"Just give him some time, okay?... I know... I know this is off, trust me. The Adam I know wouldn't just agree to a three-way, and I-" Shiro sighed and shook his head. Lance bit his lower lip, feeling as if he had misspoken. Keith nuzzled into Lance's hair softly in an attempt to calm him.

"It's okay, Lan... You're okay." Keith murmured. Shiro smiled softly, picturing the two of them.

"You two go ahead to Red. Have a good time okay?... While it's peaceful." He said. The two younger men left, and Shiro continued on to Black's hanger alone. A deep rumbling purr filled his mind. Shiro smiled softly. "Black..." A tight feeling pulled at his chest, and he obediently followed until he reached Black's hanger. The lion bent down. 

'Welcome back, my paladin.' Black seemed to say as he opened his mouth. Shiro went in and sat down with a shy.

"You want to fly today, don't you?" Shiro asked. A soft purr was his response. He heard the hanger doors open, and felt Black take flight. The paladin yelped and gripped the controls. Suddenly, a deep rumbling voice filled his head. Shiro couldn't help but shiver. It sounded like Zarkon but... kinder.

'Focus your quintessence, my paladin,' It said, 'See what I see, the stars, the planets, the castle. You don't have to stay in darkness. Please, I have much to show you.'

Shiro took a breath and closed his eyes. He calmed himself as he let himself feel the quintessence coursing around him and trough black. It slowly than all at once, but all of a sudden, his seemed to open, and his world was filled with light and color again. In front of him was the castle of lions. He couldn't help but almost tear up. His eyes darted over the high spires. With a turn of his head, stars sparkled and gleamed before him. He saw Red zoom by, undoubtedly carrying Lance and Keith. The black paladin's smile soon faded, however.

"Will... Will Hagar be able to find us again?... If I see through you I mean?" Shiro asked. He felt Black shake his great head. Shiro let out a sigh of relief and leaned back.

'I will not allow her to endanger my pride again.' Black said. Shiro nodded a bit in understanding

"Thank you..." Shiro sighed. He looked around for whatever it was that Black was trying to show him. The lion began to fly on its own accord to the very end of the system. The paladin leaned back, expecting another barrage of memories.

'It is not the past.' Black said softly. Shiro waited patiently. Black let out a roar. The soundwave rippled through the area, revealing a cloaked planet with an old, broken down, galra base. Shiro's eyes widened. 

"Why did you bring me here?" He asked. Black went and landed on the planet.

'This base belonged to the father of my first paladin. There is something here that you may to see.'


	24. Potions

Black flew around the area. Shiro still seemed confused.

"Why would Zarkon's father have a base so far from Dibazal?... Wouldn't this be dangerous?" Shiro asked. Black did not respond till he landed on a clear part of the base.

'There is a room in the center of this base which contains all the memories of Emporer Zalgus and his queen. I will lead you to it, but it is up to you to take from it what you will. I do not know much about the memories for my first paladin did not like coming here.' Said the lion softly. He lowered his head and opened his mouth in order to let Shiro out. As soon as Shiro stepped onto the rough stone, he felt a rush of icy air hit him, far colder than anything in space, even colder than Blue's presence. He took a breath and let Black lead him. The lion led his paladin through long corridors of old rusted metal till they reached the heart of the base.

"I hope you're not gonna make me snoop through Lotor's grandfather's memories, Black. It's not right." Shiro huffed. Black let out a low growl.

'I know you may feel uncomfortable with this, but you must if you wish to truly understand the galra.' He replied. Shiro begrudgingly agreed and felt around for the memories. He almost jumped when his fingers brushed over what felt like a dead body.

"Black, grant me your sight. Now!" He cried. The lion was happy to oblige. Shiro breathed a sigh of relief as he saw that what he had been touching was the statue of a handsome you galra. He knew that it could be none other than the old emperor. He bore a striking resemblance to Zarkon, so much so that it was almost uncanny. Standing beside him was a galra woman with long hair and blazing eyes. In the Empress's arms was the shattered statue of a child.

'Zarkon's father did that shortly after his son had hatched. My old paladin shared much with me those years we were together. He told me of his father's rejection.' Black said. Shiro nodded a bit. He soon found the memories hidden under the statues. He took them and plugged them into the base's mainframe. All at once, the base changed to how it had looked in its hay day, and before him stood Zarkon's parents. Shiro's breath caught in his throat. Zarkon's mother looked an odd lot like Lotor. The emperor looked beyond out of it, his eyes clear and glassy. His queen was holding onto his arm. In her hand was a shining glass bottle just like the ones that Lotor had. After making her husband drink a bit, she went over to a masked, druid-looking person. She handed them the vial.

"I need the blood of a Xilimi before dawn. Just a little bit will be enough to keep him happy for a good month." Said the queen. Shiro's eyes narrowed in confusion until he saw the Emporer's eyes shine a bright violet color. The queen took him over to the control panel and sat by it. 

"Wait, did she just drug him or something?" Shiro questioned.

'Empress Kylamen was a skilled sorceress much like Honerva after her, but instead of quintessence, she dabbled in darker arts.' Black replied. Shiro watched the queen. 

"She doesn't... seem bad..." Shiro muttered. Suddenly, he felt a gust of wind, and he was taken to another memory. This one, showed the emperor, naked in his bed with a young Xilimi in his arms. The golden eyed alien smiled as he reached up to kiss the galra.

"How much longer till you are crowned as emperor, my love? You promised me that we would be able to wed than." Said the Xalimi. Emperor Zalgus smiled, cupping his scaly cheek. 

"It will be within the Movement, my love. You don't need to worry." He replied in a gentle tone. Shiro could see the future empress from the doorway, the look in her eyes a stony glare as she watched the two men in bed. Shiro saw her pour something into a golden cup. The liquid was viscus and of a greenish color, almost like the medicine that Lotor had put in Adam's drink. The future queen brought it over to the couple and bowed.

"The painkillers you requested, sire." She said. Zalgus thanked her and sent her away. He gave the cup to his lover who downed it quickly. That night, the Xalimi boy was said to have died from a failed heart. Shiro frowned a bit.

"So the future queen poisoned him... How? That looked just like medicine!" Shiro said. Black didn't respond this time as they were hurled into another memory. The queen was pouring over a pot down in a dark part of a galra ship. Zalgus's Xalimi lover was tied up in the corner, his head hung low. The queen huffed.

"I got rid of the problem, but how can I make him love me?... It's missing something... something... Hmm..." She thought, stirring the green goop within the pot. The Xalimi lifted his head, eyes wild and terrified.

"ZALGUS! ZALUS HELP ME, PLEASE! SOMEONE! ANYONE!" He cried, struggling. The future queen snarled, striking him across the cheek. Her claws left a deep, painful gash across the poor sobbing boy's cheek. She scoffed and shook her hands off. Some of the boy's blood fell into the pot, causing the goop to glow. The former queen scooped some up.

"Hmm, let's see what this will do." She said. Shiro watched in horror as she forced it down the Xilimi's throat. The helpless boy struggled and gagged, but the potion's effects soon took hold. His eyes flashed as he fell against the wall. His gaze was totally vacant.

"All for Zalgus... all for his happiness." He said stoicly. Suddenly, Shiro was thrown out of the memory. He found himself standing in the base with the glass vile at his feet. 

"Black... why-"

'I am sorry, my paladin, but I cannot answer that now. I have no time. We must head back to the castle.'

" Black, I-"

'Your Xilimi boy and the galra prince are waiting.' Black snapped. Shiro sighed and went with him. The entire way back, Shiro couldn't help but think of the vile. When they landed back in the hanger, Shiro went back inside. He froze as he heard Adam's monotone voice.

"All for Takashi's happiness."


	25. Soulbreaker

Shiro was seeing red as soon as he heard those words come from Adam's mouth.

'My paladin, be cautious. The prince may-' Black started, but Shiro cut him off. 

"To hell with what he may do. Where is Lotor? I need to talk to him. Now." Shito snarled. Black reluctantly lead the way. The black paladin stormed into the room where Lotor and Adam were curled up together. The two of them looked up quickly.

"Takashi, when did you get back from your fly? Is everything all right?" Adam asked. Shiro shook his head and went over to Lotor, practically yanking him up. Adam stared in horror. "Takashi, what do you think you're doing?" He cried.

"I would ask Lotor the same thing." Shiro sneered. "Why have you been drugging Adam?" Lotor forced Shiro's hand off of his throat as tears began to brim at his eyes.

"Why would you ever accuse me of such a thing? Do you take me for my father? I would never do something like that to my mate!" Lotor said, but Shiro only glared.

"Apparently not your father, but your grandmother's a good bet." He replied. Lotor backed away as the tears began to fall. Adam did his best to get between the two me, spreading his wings wide to shield Lotor.

"Shiro, what has gotten into you? This is our boyfriend you're talking about here, your boyfriend!" He said. Shiro scoffed.

"Yeah, maybe he is, but he is from one messed up family, and I saw the potion he's using on you. He is just like the rest of them!" Shiro said. A silence fell over the three of them. Though Shiro couldn't see it, he could feel ice creeping up his hands as Adam glared him down with his big glassy brown eyes. He knew that glare all too well, and he felt his heart clench as he remembered the last time that glare had been directed at him.

"You're one to talk, Shiro. If he is no better than his family than you are no better than your father! How could you leave me for Lotor than treat him like this? He deserves better than you, and if you wanna keep him, you'd better get your head out of your ass and start treating him right. Well, will you?" Adam asked.

No reply.

"Do you even want this relationship, Shiro? How important are we to you?" Adam asked. Shiro froze as tears began to gather in his eyes. Those words. That venom. It was all too familiar. He backed away from both of them.

"No... no nononono... not again... I can't do this again, I-I..." Shiro muttered. He yelped as he tripped over a pile of books that Lotor had left. His ears were ringing, and for a moment, all other memories had slipped from his mind but those accursed words. They tore through his mind like a razor blade, ripping through his consciousness. Shiro's vision began to go fuzzy as his breathing came out in crazed pants. In a few moments, Lotor and Adam were both at Shiro's side, pulling him close. All Adam could do was apologize as he held Shiro close, not knowing what else would quell the panic. Lotor kept a hold on them both, softly stroking Shiro's hair.

"There there... it's okay. You're safe Shiro. Neither of us is going anywhere." Lotor cooed softly. The tears in his eyes were gone, replaced instead with concern and pity. Once Shiro was sufficiently calm, the three of them went to cuddle on the couch. 

"I'm sorry Takashi... I never meant to bring back those bad memories. I never meant-" Shiro silenced Adam by pressing a finger softly to his lips. 

"It's all right. I know what you were trying to do... and I respect that you were trying to protect Lotor." He said. 

"No no, I shouldn't have made myself look so suspicious." Lotor argued, " I know that you humans don't have the best view of the Galra, and I was not helping. If I truly wanted to help, I should have worked harder to build a true relationship between the three of us. I-I know that this is all so fast but... when you don't know if you're going to live to see tomorrow, we have to live like this." Shiro gave him a sad smile.

"I understand, but... to make this relationship work, I should have trusted you both more... I, a paladin of Voltron, should know that." He said. 

"You may be a paladin, but you are still human. You still have flaws... and I would say that we are the lucky ones." Lotor sighed. Shiro and Adam looked at him with confusion written on his face. "Well... you see. I know the potion that you're referring to... It has been in my family for generations, and it's origins are far darker than you think. You saw the love potion side of it, but you never saw what it was intended for. What it was before the Xilimi blood is added."

"Well... Black didn't show me much." Shiro said quietly. Adam gasped.

"Wait, I think I know what you're talking about. I've been reading more on what I am now, and I found things on uses for my blood. With the blood, it's a potion of infatuation, but without it... it's a way to break up soulmates." Adam said. Lotor nodded.

"It is a potion called soulbraker... I only know about this because I know that it was used on my own Father." Said the prince. "My father's intended soulmate was King Alfor, but my grandmother had other plans. She used soulbreaker on my father to make sure he would fall for a woman and give her precious little grandchildren." 

"But Zarkon-" 

"I know what my father did." Lotor said. "I know it, and I can never stop apologizing to Allura for it. If I could turn back time to fix it, I would... but what is done is done." Adam hugged him softly.

"Exactly Lotor, what's past is passed, and you don't need to worry about it anymore." Adam crooned softly. Lotor took a shaky breath. 

"I need a drink..." He said. On shaky legs, the prince went to the kitchen and came back with three goblets of wine. "I thought you might want some..."

"Thank you... I think we all need a drink after today." Shiro said as he took a cup. "A toast to us."

"To us!" Adam and Lotor both echoed. Shiro and Adam both took big gulps of their wine, but Lotor put his cup down without taking a sip. Shiro suddenly held his head, groaning in pain.

"I think something's wrong with this wine." He said softly. Adam frowned.

"That's odd, mine didn't taste any different." He said. Lotor took the goblet and sniffed the wine tentatively. 

"Oh my, this one seems to be made of bloodberries from my home planet." Lotor muttered.

"B-bloodberries?" Shiro asked. Before Lotor could answer, the black paladin suddenly dropped to the ground as his eyes rolled to the back of his head. The goblet was knocked to the ground, spilling a sickly green substance all over the floor.


End file.
